Came across this great comment while reading the comments of this post: “Those who believe in soulmates are found to be 150 percent more likely to end up divorced.”
This expresses my feelings on life, love and marriage even better than I could:
A few quick thoughts…
Soulmates? That’s a bit like a fairy tale. Nice story, but it isn’t real.
Best result: A couple of good friends who can put up with one another’s numerous…peccadilloes. A few shared interests, with both parties involved in separate hobbies and interests. Decent to good sex…while keeping in mind that it’s really business partnership that you’re involved in, not a porn flick.
Marriage is not a fantasy. Your partner is a real human being. Just like you, they have feelings, emotions, successes, failures, good days and bad. Treat them that way. Always.
Ya gotta be practical, pragmatic and grounded in the real world. Have some fun together and apart, but keep it real.
Start with realistic expectations and you’ll do ok. Anything you go into with phantasmagorical expectations is almost certainly doomed to failure.
Perfection? Nobody’s perfect. Don’t even go there.
That’s with one failed marriage and one successful marriage to my…credit. Seven years invested in the first marriage, twenty-six years this go around. I think I may have a handle on things this time.
Romance? Well, yeah. There’s a bit of that, but it isn’t what the relationship revolves around. It revolves around consideration for one another. iow, simple, common courtesy and treating one another, and other people, as if we were all real, live, girls and boys.
Don’t lie to one another. About anything…except that gift you’ve hidden away for a special occasion.
Humor. Don’t forget humor. A more or less shared sense of humor.
Remember the little things. They count.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
In general, act like an adult, not like a little princess or a spoiled prince.
One last thing. What works for your parent’s marriage, your neighbor’s marriage, or for anyone else you know may not work for you and your partner. Like individuals, every marriage is different.
That’s life, and that’s love. Special, unique, and very often, awe-inspiring, wonderful and infintely surprising.
UPDATE: Heh, of course, half the time I feel the way this guy does:
I find it amazing how many people believe in these medieval notions of love. And the really funny thing about it is that in medieval romances, the relationships are almost always adulterous, as with Lancelot and Guinevere. Strange considering the penalty for adultery at the time–castration for the man, banishment for the woman. But, in arranged marriages, I guess a woman has to have something to dream about.
I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe in love. I don’t even believe in romance, which may sound strange coming from someone with a master’s degree in Romantic poetry, and a minor in medieval literature.
It’s because I understand romance and medieval literature. The problem here, today, is with the law.
Of course, soulmates get divorced. The law allows it. Some medieval idea of love turns sour, and she can take him for everything he’s got. She can even slap him with child support for children that aren’t his.
This is why I have never gotten married. I do not agree to the terms and conditions of the contract. And don’t quote the Bible to me. I’ve read the Bible, several times, in several different translations. This is not about the Sacrament; it’s about the contract. And I’d rather have the money.
All this talk about love and marriage, soulmates, it’s stupid. I am not about to expose myself to betrayal, abandonment and bankruptcy, because of some idiotic idea of medieval romance. And now she doesn’t like it. I really don’t care.
Love is a fleeting emotion. Romance is a game. Just write some silly love poem, make up some rhymes, throw in the word love, and you’re in. Get real.
The problem here is with the law. She has the absolute right to abort your baby, get knocked up by some boy at a bar, slap you with the child support, leave you, take the house and half of your money, have her boyfriend move in so they can raise their love child together. All on your dime. Why any man would agree to that arrangement is beyond my ability to comprehend.
Change the law. Nothing else matters but that. Change the law. Or stop complaining about it.
Yeah, soulmates, give me a break, they have a high divorce rate. It’s no small wonder. The law allows it.
And the man, what about him? He was stupid enough to marry her. End of story.
Yes, I am channeling Kanye West and his statement during a Hurricane Katrina fund-raising event that President George W. Bush “doesn’t care about Black people“. Well, using that liberal logic, it follows that Barack Obama doesn’t care about Black children, based on his actions regarding gun-control legislation.
Granted, those who are not ignorant about Obama’s background already knew that Barack Obama does not care about any children whatsoever, considering his strong support for infanticide and abortion in general. In between all his votes of “present” in the IL legislature, the only thing that actually energized Obama enough to not only vote “no” on legislation, but to lead the charge against it, was infanticide. Funny that the only thing Obama cared passionately about in his career — other than hating America, capitalism and White people — was making certain that babies were left to die, as he made perfectly clear to anyone paying attention when he passionately stood against the Illinois Born Alive Infant Protection Act. He then later made his thoughts about babies clear on the Presidential campaign trail when he stated that babies were not a blessing of life, but rather a punishment.
So it well known to anyone not ignorantly worshiping at the altar of Obama that he cares not a whit about children or babies. In fact, he cares so much that they die, that he actively stood against legislation that would save babies. Obama wholeheartedly supports the evil practices of Kermitt Gosnell.
In addition to his pro-dead children legislative record, Obama supposedly worked as a community organizer in the Chicago area. Of course, no one really know what he did in this capacity nor what, if anything, he accomplished. Considering Chicago is annually in competition as the murder capital of the nation and the vast majority of murders are committed by Blacks on fellow Blacks — including children — yet Obama has never done anything to fix this, it follows that Obama doesn’t care much for dead Black people or children.
This is made especially evident when contrasted with Obama’s reaction to the death of 20 White children in Connecticut last year. For years, Blacks — including children — have been murdered in cities across this nation. Hundreds per year in places like Chicago and Detroit. Black children killed by the hundreds by other Blacks all across the nation each year and Obama does not bat an eyelash. Yet, when White children are murdered, all of a sudden, Obama decides to take notice. Funny how that works, huh?
Yet, liberals could not care less about this.
It truly sickens me that liberals do not see how downright despicable and evil is Obama. This comment by “Veritas Omnia Vincit ” at This Ain’t Hell pretty much summarizes my thoughts on the matter perfectly:
Well I know I sound like a f#cking broken record on this, but once again dead white kids are far more sexy for something like this than dead black kids… of course we kill more blacks and hispanics every single day of the year all year long than died in Newtown but nobody gives a sh1t about those dead minority kids, because their parents don’t have any money and most of their parents don’t give a sh1t about them either or the kids wouldn’t be in gangs murdering each other…
That’s a conversation we should have, but the liberals don’t like that conversation, because their welfare state created the current status quo for blacks who now have bastard children in about 72% of their families and who abort their babies at a rate 4 times higher than whites. Blacks are less than 14% of the population, but they account for somewhere between 30-35% of all the abortions in the US… black fathers are the most irresponsible fathers in the nation, with hispanic dads not too far behind… that’s why their black and hispanic children make up 90% of the victims and 90% of the perpetrators of the homicides in NYC and have a similar percentage in other large cities across the nation.
Nah f#ck those conversations, let’s just keep showing some sad, rich, white folks whose children suffered a terrible tragedy and make some rules up that won’t make any other rich, white folks kids any safer than they are today. And let’s just keep pretending that the Adam Lanzas are the real danger in America when it comes to the average persons chance of being murdered… that way we can all keep our heads in the f#cking sand and pretend it’s all good, even when it’s not.
Liberals never want to talk about what they have done to destroy the black family, they just want to call conservatives and centrists racists whenever you question a black politician’s view point. Well guess what liberals, it’s not racist to use an FBI statistic and ask why blacks and hispanics commit just about every murder in NYC… it’s just uncomfortable, because it will inevitably lead to a discussion that liberals don’t want to have, that their vision of the dependency state has destroyed the black family and, if left alone, will also destroy the hispanic family over the next couple of generations. Liberals are better at destroying minority families than any white supremacist group could ever dream of. Thanks to liberals and abortion, instead of 48 million blacks, there are only 32 million blacks in America, because black women have destroyed 16 million black babies before they ever set foot outside the womb…
Nah we don’t want to hear any of that Veritas, we just want to keep whining about scary black guns that kill less than .02 of the total murders in the nation because it’s politically expedient to do so. We don’t want to have anything to do with a real discussion because that’s too hard… well f#ck all of you liberals I am sick and tired of the same horsesh1t every day from your unimaginative, repetitive, little brains.
As am I.
More good comments:
2/17 Air Cav Says:
April 10th, 2013 at 1:31 pm
If I told you that twice as many blacks are murdered by blacks EVERY SIX MONTHS than were killed by the KKK and other white-supremacy groups between 1882 and 1968, you would probably not believe it. And I couldn’t blame anyone for disbelieving that astounding statement. It cuts against the indoctrination grain. The source, by the way, is Tuskegee University.
Common Sense Says:
April 10th, 2013 at 1:39 pm
Read this the other day:
It is not, however, just handguns that must be discussed when discussing gun violence. This gets to why we cannot have a meaningful conversation in this country and never will. To do so will get you branded a racist.
“Blacks were disproportionately represented as both homicide victims and offenders. The victimization rate for blacks (27.8 per 100,000) was 6 times higher than the rate for whites (4.5 per 100,000). The offending rate for blacks (34.4 per 100,000) was almost 8 times higher than the rate for whites (4.5 per 100,000).”
“Males represented 77% of homicide victims and nearly 90% of offenders. The victimization rate for males (11.6 per 100,000) was 3 times higher than the rate for females (3.4 per 100,000). The offending rate for males (15.1 per 100,000) was almost 9 times higher than the rate for females (1.7 per 100,000).”
“Approximately a third (34%) of murder victims and almost half (49%) of the offenders were under age 25. For both victims and offenders, the rate per 100,000 peaked in the 18 to 24 year-old age group at 17.1 victims per 100,000 and 29.3 offenders per 100,000.”
This information is from a 2011 United States Department of Justice report released by Obama.
So if you summarize the data, the problem is with black males between 18 – 24, both as perpetrators AND victims. But I guess having a bunch of them standing behind you while talking about gun control wouldn’t be sympathetic to the bleeding hearts out there the way 20 little white kids will, even though they would “look like Obama’s son if he had one”.
Veritas Omnia Vincit Says:
April 10th, 2013 at 1:41 pm
@15 There is indeed a reason why a missing white woman in Aruba was national news for months, or a white woman who killed her daughter was national news for a year… white folks go missing lots of lead stories…blacks or hispanics, not so much.
But hey, we’re not racists or anything. After all everybody is equal under the law, sort of, depending on your race and economic status that is… well and also who you are related to…
@16 Not at all surprised, here’s another “fun fact”… thanks to abortion, almost twice as many black children die in the womb each year than blacks of all ages die from all other causes…
I’m not done with all my research but in ’09 a total of 286,000 blacks died from all causes and all ages… that same year about 423,500 black babies were aborted…
Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “The Negro cannot win as long as he is willing to sacrifice the lives of his children for comfort and safety.” How can the “Dream” survive if we murder the children?
April 10th, 2013 at 5:34 pm
From the Secular Right and DOJ report:
The most common gun violence, by contrast, is drearily predictable and is the source on average of nearly ten thousand homicides a year. Such violence occurs overwhelmingly in certain locations of cities — over the past 30 years in Boston, for example, 75 percent of the city’s shootings occurred in 4.5% of its area, whereas 88.5 percent of the city’s street segments experienced not a single shooting. Urban shootings are retaliatory or the product of the most trivial of slights. They are committed by handguns, not assault rifles. Victims and perpetrators usually know each other, absent bullets going astray. Reforming the involuntary commitment laws and beefing up mental health services are largely irrelevant to these shootings, since though the shooters have serious problems with impulse control and are clearly a danger to themselves and others, few would be deemed mentally ill. And both victims and perpetrators are disproportionately minority, by huge margins. New York City is emblematic of the country’s gun violence. According to victims and witnesses, blacks commit 80% of all shootings in New York, though they are 23% of the city’s residents. Add Hispanics and you account for 98% of all shootings. Whites commit a little over 1% of shootings, though they are 35% of the city’s population. These disproportions pertain across the country.
And i’m sure they had background checks completed.
These got me to thinking… Considering ~90% of gun violence is committed by Blacks and liberals/Democrats think Blacks are too stupid to be capable of showing ID to vote, and thus claim that requiring ID to vote is “racist!!!”, wouldn’t it also be “racist!!!” to create more gun-control laws? If Democrats/liberals say voter ID laws are “racist!!!”, then aren’t gun-control laws “racist!!!” as well?
2004 was the first election in which I voted. Yes, I was first legally eligible to vote in 1994, but took no interest in politics until 9/11/2001. I didn’t vote in 2002, because I still did not know enough about mid-term local candidates to know for whom I was voting.
But by Summer 2004, I was PSYCHED to cast my first ever vote to re-elect President George W. Bush.
In 2008, I was energized by GOP VP-candidate Sarah Palin, but not so much about GOP Presidential candidate John McCain. I was ready to not vote for President in the 2008 election… until I spent 2007 and 2008 researching the radical, despicable history of Barack Hussein Obama. I then spent all of 2008 doing my best to inform people of how radical was Obama and why we needed to vote for McCain/Palin simply to keep this radical and his radical associates from taking power in our government.
I managed to convince some, but, more often than not, I was faced with ignorance, apathy and racism. Not only people saying they were voting for Obama, because he was Black (the ultimate slap in the face to MLK, Jr’s dream), but also people calling ME racist simply because I disagreed with Obama’s policies…. none of which had anything to do with his skin color.
By the time November 2008 came, I was SO UTTERLY PISSED THE FUCK OFF at being called a racist for holding the same views I had held since 9/11/2001, that I was energized more than ever to vote for McCain/Palin and AGAINST Obama.
But, to no avail. I went into work that night (I was working 3rd shift as a CAD designer at the time) and was literally in tears of disbelief that America had voted Obama into office. It was one of the first slaps in the face of reality my naive self had experienced (the Islamic terrorist attacks of 09/11/2001 being the first), seeing bad triumph over good. I could not believe my countrymen could do such a thing. I was utterly heartbroken. And, as I said, I was holding back tears as I was utterly heartbroken, having my positive view of my fellow Americans utterly shattered in one night.
That night was arguably the night that I ‘became’ Rorschach: cynical, pessimistic negative about — and having lost all faith in — my fellow Americans.
The last four years have not gotten much better. Watching the utterly despicable behavior of the mass media serving as the propaganda outlet for the Obama Administration and Democrat Party; watching as every Democrat, every liberal, every media outlet turned every single criticism of Obama into accusations of “RACISM!!!”; watching as the Obama Administration did everything to actually make the American economy WORSE, yet seeing his poll numbers still stay high.
The last four years have been an absolute nightmare of epic proportions. Economy, Democrats crying “RACISM!”, unemployment, Democrats crying “RACISM!”, healthcare, Democrats crying “RACISM!”, demonizing “the rich”, Democrats crying “RACISM!”, promoting redistribution, Democrats crying “RACISM!”, foreign policy, Democrats crying “RACISM!”, religious freedom under attack, Democrats crying “RACISM!”, freedom of expresion under attack, etc RACISM!!! etc.
This is why I am even more psyched here in 2012 to vote for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan and to evict the disaster that is SCOAMF Obama, his busy-body wife Michelle “you’ll only eat what I allow you to eat!” Obama, Valerie Jarrett, David Axelrod, Eric Holder, Hillary Clinton and all the rest of his radical czars and incompetent Administration cohorts.
November 6, 2012: the date my faith in America will be restored…
You know, I tire of the superficial definitions society throws out there for “what makes a man”. Such as “the clothes make the man” or “the watch makes the man” or “the shoes make the man” or “the (alcoholic drink) makes the man” or “you become a man” when you have sex.
None of that superficial nonsense has anything to do with “being a man”.
Your character makes you a man. Your integrity makes you a man. Treating others — especially women — with respect makes you a man. Taking personal responsibility for your actions makes you a man. Dealing with success with humility and dealing with failure with maturity and resilience makes you a man.
Manhood comes from within.
First time she caught my eye.
First time I caught hers.
First time she smiled at me.
First time she made my heart skip a beat.
First time I knew,
she’s someone special.
First date nervousness.
First bonding moment.
First call the next day.
First excitement from seeing her caller ID.
First rush from hearing her voice.
First calm from sharing our days.
First thrill anticipating our next meeting.
First planning for the next date.
First time laying awake thinking of her.
First time I just can’t wait.
First time she hugged me.
First time she put her arm in mine.
First time she cuddled next to me.
First time our fingers intertwined.
First time she gave me ‘that look’.
First time I get lost in her eyes.
First time we move in close.
First time her lips meet mine.
First intimate moment.
First extended kiss.
First long night together.
First long morning goodbye.
First time we share our secrets.
First time we pour out our hearts.
First time we share our dreams.
First time we don’t want to be apart.
First time we know we have something special.
First time I see that look in her eye.
First time she tells me she loves me.
First time she makes me lovingly sigh.
First time I tell her I love her.
First time I see tears in her eyes.
First time I know I’ve found her.
First time in love in my life.
First moment of passion.
First gentle touch of her hands on me.
First feeling of her soft body.
First feeling of ecstasy.
First time tough life moments endured together.
First time life’s joys shared together.
First time challenges met together.
First time we see our future together.
First time I see the wonderful person she is and will continue to be.
First time I see the simply amazing woman she is inside.
First time I realize the better man she brings out in me.
First time I realized, I want to be with her the rest of my life.