Vampires are Not Emo High School Kids

Heh, great comment left here ripping on the Twilight series:

Vampires are not emo high school kids. Vampires are not angsty romance-novel cover models in poufy shirts. Vampires are not hunky guys who just happen to nibble your neck now and then.

Let me be clear: Vampires are walking corpses who feed on the living. When you watch Night of the Living Dead or any other “zombie” movie, you’re really watching vampires. Those dudes are vampires but we call them zombies because George Romero is a fucking illiterate.

Now and then you get a super-genius vampire who studied sorcery at the Devil’s school in Transylvania (it’s like Hogwarts, except that one out of every ten students gets dragged off to Hell instead of graduating — so long, Ron!) and by sheer superhuman force of will has retained his intelligence and cunning even in death. That’s how you get Dracula. He’s scary because he’s a shambling undead bloodsucker who isn’t a mindless killing machine. Oh, and Dracula didn’t spend his time wearing a God-damned white tie and tails. He dressed in regular clothes because he wanted to blend in, not look like some drunk in a vampire costume.

The whole idea of a “good” or sympathetic vampire is asinine. It’s like writing fiction about a nice SS officer or a sympathetic psychopath. If vampires were good, they’d go ahead and fucking die already, because their very existence is a sin against God and nature. They are cursed walking corpses who fucking kill people. That’s why we call them monsters.

If I ever meet Stephanie Meyers or Anne Rice I’m going to lock them in a room with a hunger-crazed animated corpse and see how long they think the blasphemous monstrosity is sexy.

Posted by: Trimegistus at February 08, 2010 10:04 PM

Snickers Candy Promotes Violence Against Women

Or maybe just against senior citizen women. That’s my conclusion based on the logic of the whiney feminists at the Women’s Media Center:

The Women’s Media Center, which had objected to Focus on the Family advertising in the Super Bowl, said it was expecting a “benign” ad but not the humor. But the group’s president, Jehmu Greene, said the tackle showed an undercurrent of violence against women.

“I think they’re attempting to use humor as another tactic of hiding their message and fooling the American people,” she said.

Hmmm, really? Well I guess this means that Snickers — or Mars, Incorporated, which owns Snickers — is “hiding their message [of violence against women] and fooling the American people” with their Super Bowl ad?

So, are the whiney feminists going to come out to complain about “the undercurrent of violence against women” at Mars, Incorporated?

“Snickers really satisfies… an undercurrent of violence against women!”

I won’t be holding my breath on that.

Oh shocker. Noted feminazi Amanda Marcotte also has her panties in a twist over the Tim Tebow ad.

Tebow: Hey Mom! Tried to kill you from the womb and failed. How about a blind side tackle? Violence against Moms FTW! (via @MarcFaletti)
about 19 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to MarcFaletti

Interesting that she hasn’t posted a ‘tweet’ making fun of Snickers, though, huh? I guess violence against women is good so long as the men kill babies, eat chocolate or are named Bill Clinton?

I guess I now know what to give for Valentine’s Day if I ever date a feminist: a pack of Snickers, a gift card to Planned Parenthood and slap across the face.

It really is interesting how feminazis come up with their own definitions for things.  If a woman wants her baby, it’s a baby.  If a woman doesn’t want her baby, it’s a fetus.  If a woman chooses to get an abortion, it’s a woman’s choice.  If a woman chooses to have a baby, it’s anti-abortion.  If a male politician is pro-abortion, his misogyny and abuse of women is praised.  If a male politician is pro-life, he’s automatically anti-woman.

I have a feeling that Melvin Udall’s definition of a woman in As Good as it Gets was actually talking about feminazis:

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

A Cougar is Not a Retirement Plan

Damn. Guess I better scrap that plan then.

Heh. Good advice from the e-Trade babies:

(Via the E*TRADE FINANCIAL Facebook page.)

Answering the Call of Boobies… er Duty to Serve My Country

I have read that Muslim terrorists have given up on the Fruit-of-Kaboom strategy of suicide bombing & are moving on to the Bomb-zierre strategy of suicide bombing. I’ve also read that the bombs are not detectable by airport security scanners. I hereby volunteer to be a boob-checker at my local airport. I will make this great sacrifice for the good of national security.

“Please step forward ma’am, so I may inspect your boobs.”

Yes, I shall sacrifice for the common good and do my patriotic duty by being forced to touch women’s hooters.

Matters not whether they are built for comfort or speed, just so long as they are not built for bombing.

Public School Funding Budgets

I left this comment after reading a Facebook friend’s status about public school funding:

Speaking of school funding, considering funding for schools is taken from our tax dollars, shouldn’t it be public knowledge how that money is spent? Is there some place to go where a breakdown of all the spending is listed? Politicians are always whining about needing more funding for schools, when we already give tons of our tax dollars for failing school systems. Why don’t they post their budgets at the beginning of the fiscal year — listing every single thing on which the money is spent — so that people can see how they money is going to be spent, and then also list the final expenditures at the end of the school year, so that people can see how their money was eventually spent.

There is SO much corruption and wasteful spending in every single government program, I have no doubt the same exists in the public school system. As such, instead of whining for higher taxes and more money for public schools, let’s make sure they are spending their *current* budget properly.