AmeriCAN-DO Attitude

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Men Don’t Get Bored by Sex… Ever

[Female commenter]: I was really asking in earnest. How much of that [Carrie Prejean ‘masturbation/sex tapes’] is supposed to be a turn-on for the boyfriend? Unless she’s using a variety of props to that end. And even so, that gets old fast. I just can’t fathom how exciting that would be for the guy.

[Male commenter]: You are a very nice person, and I do not want you to take this in the wrong way, or in a personal way, but you are a moron.

No but seriously? No. No, we don’t get bored. If any woman is giving herself the excuse “I would do that but it would bore him,” let me strip away this excuse.

We don’t get bored by sex, ever.

As for tapes: The reason there are 1,000,000 pron titles — and not just one good one — is that we get bored of the OLD stuff after two or three viewings, tops, and need NEW stuff, even if it’s pretty much exactly the same. If it’s different, we like it.

Uh, who’s this ‘we’ of which you speak? Speak for yourself there, champ.

I just have to laugh anymore when I constantly read people on blogs speaking on behalf of millions of people. “We [men] are all like this…” “We [women] are all like this…

I always like to refer to this exchange in 2 Weeks Notice between Hugh Grant and Sandra Bulluck:

Lucy Kelson: I think you’re the most selfish human being on the planet.
George Wade: Well that’s just silly. Have you met everybody on the planet?

Exactly. Yet, still, a bunch of nobodies with blogs all across the country decide that they indeed know how an entire sex of people behaves. Amazing.

And, not only that, but then if you dare to correct them, to let them know that, no, not all men/women behave/think/feel in the way they proclaim, you are simply deemed not a real man/woman. Apparently, their definition of the typical man/woman has now become THE definition of the typical man/woman. Well, newsflash people: not all men are the same and not all women are the same. And none of you can speak for all men or women.

Whenever I am asked by my female friends about generalities about men, I simply tell them “well, I can’t speak for all men, since I’m not really a ‘stereotypical guy’, but here’s my opinion…” It would be nice if more men and women both had this attitude more often, instead of pontificating on *all men* and *all women* as if they are experts on such, having had already spent their time here on earth polling all the tens of millions of men and women in this country on issues.

The fact is that sex can get boring. And there do exist people — including men — who get bored by sex. I am a prime example. I had this happen with the first girl I dated, “H”, after moving to Michigan. It was a summer fling and I told her before we even met (we ‘met’ after she replied to an old online personals ad I had made upon first moving to Michigan 3 years earlier) that I wasn’t looking for a sexual relationship, after having my previous one turn out badly. I figured I could get this out there right away to either (1) scare her off if she just wanted a sexual relationship or (2) become more appealing to her as she wouldn’t have to worry about *me* being the one looking to hook up with women online for sex. Well, it didn’t scare H off, but unfortunately after dating for a month, my will power and principles gave into my hormones and we ended up having a sexual relationship that summer.

It started off fine enough. I was 26 at the time, pretty much in my sexual prime, we were attracted to one another, H was 22 looking for a fun relationship and we had fun together. Unfortunately, as the relationship reached 6 months in, I didn’t get the feeling we had much chemistry beyond having fun and having sex. And I was just becoming politically aware at this time — as I had just woken up from my political apathy and ignorance about a year earlier after 9/11 — and was looking for not just fun, romantic and physical chemistry, but intellectual chemistry as well. And that just wasn’t there.

And that’s a big issue for me. For a relationship to be fulfilling — and the physical intimacy to be fulfilling — I need that intellectual chemistry there. Without it, it just feels like there is a huge wall between us. And maybe other men can enjoy sex with a wall between them and their lover, but that’s just not going to work for me. Anyway, after the lack of intellectual chemistry became obvious, it then affected my desire and enjoyment of sex with her. I then got the feeling that she wasn’t really still dating me for the man I was, but rather just because I was good looking and we had great sex. Yeah, I know, most men are probably thinking “yeah, so what’s wrong about that!?” Well, nothing, if that is what floats your boat, but, for me, I need something more. When it became clear that we didn’t really have much chemistry beyond the superficial, the sex turned from being physically intimate with a woman I cared for, to simply being physically intimate with a random woman who wanted to have sex with me. Again, most men are probably saying “yeah!? So what’s wrong with that!?” Well, nothing, but I’m not “most men”.

Personally, physical intimacy needs to have meaning for me in order to be truly enjoyable. If there is no chemistry there of any sort, then one may as be physically intimate with a blowup doll. Since that’s basically what one is doing: using another person as their sex toy to get them off. But, if that’s the case, then there really is no ‘physical intimacy’ going on, but simply just getting ‘physical’. And I guess that’s fine for others, but just is not my style.

For me, when the time comes where I am not being physically intimate with a woman and it’s simply devolved to being physically intimate with her body, that’s where it gets ‘boring’. The key is the chemistry and the connection.

Going back to the inquiry by the ‘female commenter’ above, I think the distinction needs to be made that when in a fulfilling relationship with their women, most men don’t get bored with any kind of sexual intimacy: anything from as simple as a hug or holding hands or a quick kiss hello/goodbye or ogling her in a sexy outfit… to anything sexual or sex chat or online/phone-sex (when away from one another for periods of time) or sex tapes. The key is that the relationship is fulfulling. I can only speak for myself, but so long as that is there, every day seems like the first day you have been with your companion/lover and every time of physical intimacy feels like the first time. It’s when the relationship starts to go sour or has rough patches when sexual intimacy can get boring.

But then again, I’m just one guy, I can’t speak for tens of millions of men all across America. To find out their opinion, instead of assuming what one man says applies to all men, I suggest asking the individual man his thoughts. Not as fun, I guess, as painting with a broad brush, but much more fulfilling.

Also gotta agree with this, posted on the same thread. And this really is the disconnect between most liberals and most Christians. Most liberals seem to think that Christians are against sex. Not true at all. In fact, there are plenty of studies out there saying that Christians and conservatives, generally, are having more sex than liberals. Now, is that because we are more promiscuous? No. It’s because we’re in favor of having very healthy sex lives… within marriage. And considering most Christians and conservatives are big on getting married, that means there is more sex going on.

Here’s the basic problem with immortalizing your sexual adventures in video or photographic form: they last essentially forever, especially in the Internet age. You and your lover may (and probably will) grow apart later; you may in fact have a bad break-up. You move on, get married, have kids… and your piss-ant of an ex-boyfriend sends the video to your hubby as a little joke. Or worse, he uploads it to P0rnTube so the world can enjoy it, forever. Your kids will get links to it via their cellphones. That video will dwell in the Internet ether forever and forever. And you, who may be a good and fine person, will be frozen in time as that slut who gave her tattooed doofus of a boyfriend a sloppy hummer in the park one night while you were wasted.

In other words: you are now a p0rn star, whether you meant to be or not. Your sexual life is now the world’s business, forever.

I realize that this doesn’t bother many people (to judge by the variety and amount of amateur p0rn out there), but… it would bother me.

Posted by: Monty at November 13, 2009 08:26 PM

Yep, it bothers me too. And it’s not about being “prudish”, it’s about being responsible. No one is saying outlaw these things or demonize people who do these things. However, what many are saying is that we don’t feel sorry for people in the least who do irresponsible things and then have to face the consequences for their actions.

It’s a little like the difference between getting wasted and then driving while wasted. Driving while wasted doesn’t make you cool or exciting, it just makes you an idiot. In the same vein, it’s the difference between having a sexual relationship with someone (other than one’s spouse) and creating physical evidence of the sexual relationship. Photographing or video-taping the encounters does not make one sexy or kinky or sexually enlightened, it just makes you an idiot. And just like when a drunk driver doesn’t get into any accidents, it’s not skill, but luck… so too is it luck if someone’s physical evidence of their promiscuous sex lives does not end up coming back to haunt them.

Another good point made here. And this coincides with what I was talking about earlier with regards to chemistry and whether or not a man gets bored with sex. If there is some sort of chemistry and the sex is about two people and not just two bodies, then that never get boring. But, like he says here with the sex tape, if the chemistry is not there and it’s just simply about selfish sex and nothing more, that loses it’s appeal. At least for me. Again, I can’t speak for tens of millions of other men.

Here’s the basic problem with immortalizing your sexual adventures in video or photographic form… : they last essentially forever, especially in the Internet age. You and your lover may (and probably will) grow apart later; you may in fact have a bad break-up. You move on, get married, have kids…and your piss-ant of an ex-boyfriend sends the video to your hubby as a little joke. Or worse, he uploads it to P0rnTube so the world can enjoy it, forever. Your kids will get links to it via their cellphones. That video will dwell in the Internet ether forever and forever. And you, who may be a good and fine person, will be frozen in time as that slut who gave her tattooed doofus of a boyfriend a sloppy hummer in the park one night while you were wasted

Actually another issue I have with it in cases like these with young hot girls is that it is really at it’s core a self-centered act. If an army-wife sends some naked photos of herself to her hubby in Iraq or something like that… well then I guess she’s just trying to make his day. It is all about him and for him. That guy will be turned on.

But in cases like these, it is all about a young, hot girl who has recently discovered her sexuality and the influence that it can have over men. And they become intoxicated with this power. It actually loses a lot of it’s sex appeal for the guy because he kinda knows that she isn’t doing it purely to make him happy or because she wants him so badly, but rather because she gets a bit of an ego-kick out of it. (Okay, the guy is still thrilled, but I just mean less so than with my wife example above).

Here is what I know about her: a major beauty pageant contestant. She got fake boobs at something like age 20. She posed naked for modeling. She sent dirty videos of herself to her boyfriend.

She seems to be a girl who is still intoxicated with the fact that she knows she is hot, and the power over men that comes with that fact.

I personally find this extremely f*cking annoying behavior.

Posted by: dan-O at November 13, 2009 08:37 PM

November 13, 2009 , 9:20PM - Posted by | Life, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Romance, Sex

4 Comments

  1. I have a question. When a man is in a relationship-married or not-do men think that their woman is the prettiest woman in every room? This might seem like a shallow question, and I know what my boyfriend would say, but I am curious. Men always look at women, when they do are they just looking, or comparing?

    Comment by rocker124 | November 14, 2009 , 4:13AM

    • Well, all men aren’t the same, but my guess is that most men are just looking. Most women are beautiful. And it’s natural for a guy to notice their beauty. But, speaking for myself, I know when I am looking at other women when in a relationship, it is just to notice, not to compare her to my girlfriend or anything.

      Honestly, I compare other women on an intellectual and personality level more than physical level. Because, for me anyway, it’s the chemistry I have with a woman based on her personality and her intellect which can cause me to find her more or less attractive.

      I could be with an ‘average looking’ woman, but if her personality is great and we have great intellectual chemistry, she becomes more beautiful than any other woman in my eyes. On the other hand, I could be with a woman who is amazingly physically attractive, but if we have no intellectual chemistry and our personalities clash, the attraction fades.

      Comment by michaelinmi | November 14, 2009 , 11:23AM

  2. Thank you.

    Comment by rocker124 | November 14, 2009 , 1:51PM

    • Also, to answer your first question (“…do men think that their woman is the prettiest woman in every room?”)…

      I would say ‘no’. Or ‘not always’. But, of course, no man in their right mind would ever say/admit that. It’s just not necessary. It would be the same were a girlfriend to tell her man that some other guy is more attractive than him. Seriously, what’s the point? We all have eyes and we all have our opinions of what is and is not attractive.

      The point of a dating or married relationship, though, is that the bond goes much deeper than just looks or physical attraction. So while a man may notice the physical attractiveness of a woman and realize that she is more physically attractive than his significant other, most are simply looking/admiring, but not thinking of (1) straying or (2) wanting their significant other to look that way.

      I would compare it to the way most people look at/admire ‘celebrities’. Most people will have ‘celebrity crushes’, but most of those people don’t seriously compare their significant others to them. Because the ‘crush’ is simply superficial, knowing the celebrity only through pictures or short interviews.

      Personally, my ‘celebrity crush’ is Kate Beckinsale. But that is only based on the characters she has played in movies I have liked (Serendipity and Van Helsing) and the fact I think she is extremely attractive. But if I were dating someone and my girlfriend asked me “do you think she’s prettier than me?”, I would just turn it around on her and ask her if she thinks (insert her ‘celebrity crush’ here) is more handsome than me.

      The same thing applies to other average women ‘in the room’. Of course there are going to be women who are more physically attractive, just as there will most likely be men whom my girlfriend would find more attractive than me. But, unless someone is dating for the sole purpose of having a trophy and the best looking significant other, the looking and admiring are simply innocent.

      But, again, this is just my opinion. There are some superficial men out there, just as there are a lot of superficial women.

      Comment by michaelinmi | November 14, 2009 , 2:27PM


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