It’s What You Do that Defines You
“I never stopped loving you.”
“I never stopped thinking about you.”
What is the purpose of these statements? What do they even mean? When a girl says them to a guy, are they supposed to mean something?
I’ve had things such as this said to me by girls who have lost touch with me over the years. At first, it sounds sweet and wonderful. “Wow”, you think, “she’s been loving me/thinking about me all these years.” But, really, what does that even matter?
Even if it were true, is that supposed to somehow make me feel good to know that a girl was loving me/thinking about me over the years, yet did absolutely nothing to make it known to me?
What is the point of loving someone if you don’t actually, you know, do something to show you love them? In other words, what is the point of loving someone if the object of your love does not even know or feel this love?
As stated in Batman Begins, “It’s not what’s inside that matters, it’s what you do that defines you.”
This is actually an example of a broader point that hit me today regarding something completely different, but touches on the same theme: where people don’t pass on compliments or expressions of love or just positive statements to those whom they like, love or whose work/efforts/skill/character/actions/personality they appreciate.
I’ve been doing something for a while that I thought was something positive, to bring a little laugh and morale boost to some people. I was really proud of the last time I did it, putting a lot of effort into it and thought it would make a positive impression. Turns out the only feedback I received was negative. Sure, most were in jest. But I didn’t receive ANY positive comments. Nothing. Just the negative ones in jest. So, I decided then that people must really not care one whit about what I did, so I said ‘f#ck it, not gonna bother anymore’.
Then today I have someone tell me they were talking with others in the group I do this for and that they really liked it and hoped I continued doing it. The one person said that it was “the highlight of their week”. Well, for crying out loud, then, why the HELL don’t they tell ME this?! Instead of just talking among themselves. *I* didn’t have a damn clue whether anyone liked it, because they never told ME that they liked it. So how the hell was I supposed to know.
Girl #1: “Said out of guilt.. I’m a chick .. I know”
Yeah, I knew that already, but figured I’d send the question out into the void anyway. It’s a self-serving statement meant to try to make up for whatever the one making the statement feels guilty about.
Girl #1: Yep!! Women and men are devious and sad.. The trick is to find someone who is not into the BS.. Real people are hard to find.. I have to say.. When I was very young .. I probably did the same thing.. I was a coward.. Didn’t want to hurt anyone.. honesty is always best.
Girl #2: Sometimes it is said out of regret, or maybe even lonliness. The part that hit me today, though was: “What is the point of loving someone if you don’t actually, you know, do something to show you love them? In other words, what is the point of loving someone if the object of your love does not even know or feel this love?”
You are absolutely correct, Michael. While there are reasons that one may have for not, or never, sharing those feelings… what IS the point of telling someone you USED to think about / love them? Let them know at the time, or let it go.
EXACTLY. Especially since for some of us, it doesn’t matter anymore hearing those things. Over the years, I just assumed that I was such a worthless piece of crap that these girls could just so easily lose touch with me and never keep in touch. That’s what the years of girls just up and losing touch, and seemingly not being affected in the least, taught me… that I meant nothing to them that they could get over me so easily, forget me so easily. So when one comes back to make those statements, it means absolutely nothing to me. I needed those statements during that time, at the time they felt them. By now, it doesn’t matter anymore. Their lack of action has helped to create the cynical, completely insecure, self-critical person I am now.
Girl #1: Women also.. Want you to still want them.. So they say these things..
Yeah, like I said, it’s a completely self-serving statement. One to assuage their own guilt and Two to get an ego-boost. I tell you, the older I get and the more I interact with them, the more I resent women.
Girl #1: Please don’t turn gay!! Hahaha!!
Hahah, no, THAT will NEVER happen. I’m attracted to women WAY too much. In fact, I’ve got a desperate crush on a girl on one of my softball teams. Really depresses me that I’m so insecure that I haven’t been able to even muster up the courage to talk to her on a non-softball game level over the past year. I’m sure she’s got a boyfriend or is married and, even if she’s single, she’s 11 years younger and way out of my league, but… still. Back when I was in shape and not this cynical, I would have at least made the foolish effort to take a chance and ask her out. But no, no worries, not going to hit for the other team! hahah
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.