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I Can Feel the Devil Overtaking Me

I am angry.

I am enraged.

I am frustrated.

I am lonely.

I am depressed.

I am holding back.

I am fading.

I am losing hope.

I am losing motivation.

I am losing passion.

And I can feel the Devil overtaking me.

I am holding back with her. I am holding back with them. I am holding back at work. I am holding back with my friends. I am holding back within myself.

No matter how much I give, I don’t receive. No matter how much I love, I don’t receive love. No matter how much I care, I don’t receive care. No matter how much I sacrifice, I don’t receive sacrifice.

I give all of myself, but it is never enough.

I have given my heart. I have given my love. I have given my passion. I have given myself.

I have emptied my soul and given it, and now He is filling up the void.

I can feel the Devil overtaking Me.

I can feel it happening inside. I can hear Him reveling in my misery.

Every weakness He exploits. Every failing He reinforces.

Every sadness He makes worse. Every frustration He makes stronger.

Every moment of anger He feeds upon. Every moment of rage He encourages me to continue.

Every loss of hope He smiles. Every loss of motivation He cheers.

Every loss of passion He replaces with apathy. Every loss of love He replaces with hate.

I struggle to fight Him. I know He is working inside me.

I can feel the Devil overtaking me.

I do not want to give in to Him. I know that is His goal. It goes against everything inside of me to allow Him that victory.

But I am failing in my struggle.

I can feel myself weakening.

Passion not returned. Love that goes unrequited. Caring not fulfilled.

I struggle to find something to hold onto. Something on which to stand. Something to right myself. To brace myself.

While I struggle to recover He works against me. Roadblocks at every turn. Disappointments at every turn.

And I can feel the Devil overtaking me.

Giving up seems like the easy thing to do. With no expectations, no hopes, no dreams, then there are no letdowns.

If I do not expect things to happen, I will not despair when they do not happen.

If I do not hope, I will not be saddened when my hopes are not fulfilled.

If I do not dream, I will not be depressed when my dreams to not come true.

But what is a life without expectations? What is a life without hope? What is a life without dreams?

How will I fill my life without them? How will I go on without passion?

I won’t. And that is what He wants.

He wants me to give up.

And that is why I can feel the Devil overtaking me.

But something inside of me still works against Him. Something will not allow me to give up. Something will not allow me to fail. Something will not allow me to stop trying.

Without it I would be done. Without it I would be at His mercy. Without it He would overtake me.

Without my Faith, the Devil would overtake me.

With my Faith, I survive to fight another day.

~~~by Michael J. Yore — 06 OCT 2006~~~

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October 6, 2006 , 5:48AM - Posted by | Faith, God, My Poetry, Poetry, Relationships

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