AmeriCAN-DO Attitude

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Male P*$$y Syndrome

Interesting discussion taking place in a few areas over this article: Dr Helen: What Happened to All the Nice Guys?

First, here at, where I first found the link: What Happened to All the Nice Guys?

I associate the most with these comments left there:

I sat there and took it all without one word of complaint at the time or even by getting out of the situation…

Anwyn on December 13, 2007 at 1:36 PM

This is what we call being nice. By the very definition it’s what nice guys do. Nobody’s ever said that it’s particularly enjoyable to be imposed upon in this way, but we do it because that’s the way we are. That it is given without that stated expectation of recompense is what leads to serial abuse of the nice guy, and his eventual meltdown into bitterness.

But of course we can’t state the expectation of recompense like you said you wanted in your 1:25 PM comment, because then it is no longer being nice, it’s emotional whoring.

James on December 13, 2007 at 2:06 PM


No. There’s a difference, also, between “stated expectation of recompense” and the simple acknowledgement to self of “Hey, this is not a particularly fulfilling relationship for me, maybe I need to take steps to either make it fulfilling or get out.” You don’t have to say “Hey, I expect to get laid in return for this niceness” to have some consideration for yourself during the process.

I think you’re either missing the point of altruism, or you’ve never met a real nice guy who wasn’t just trying on a nice guy persona in order to get laid. Notice that I said it was serial abuse of the nice guy that causes the bitterness. It’s not a pickup line, and it’s not a conscious strategy as you make it seem. It’s the way he is… until the well of altruism runs dry from repeated giving without replenishment and he has no more emotional support to give. Then he becomes something else… cynical, bitter, no longer altruistic.

Some guys actually *get* fulfillment from sitting there and being used. They like the pity party. I call these “masochists.”

Anwyn on December 13, 2007 at 2:15 PM

Occasionally, after enough time passes, some bitter ex-nice guys can get sucked back into giving the support they once gave, and even though they still expect nothing in return, it is because they accept their role in the non-relationship and view the situation with a jaundiced eye toward any potential fulfillment for themselves. It isn’t so much liking sitting there and being used as it is that at least one of the two of you are getting something useful out of it. Two of the three if you include how you enable the boyfriend that isn’t providing her emotional needs. Masochism is actually probably the correct term here, but it is also usually coupled with intense clinical depression. Been there, done that.

Then you get old enough to give up completely on the whole dating idea and just enjoy being nice for it’s own sake again. The bitterness only resurfaces when conversations like this one come up.

James on December 13, 2007 at 2:48 PM

Then, over at Ace of Spades HQ: Dr. Helen Aids And Abets Male Pussy Syndrome

An exerpt:

1) A girl worth pursuing is, well, worth actually pursuing, not just hanging out with as a “buddy” in hopes that she’ll screw you when drunk or emotionally vulnerable. Maybe she’d like an actual courtship and pursuit rather than an awkward hook-up that winds up going on for a couple of months.

2) Girls like flattery and it’s flattering to have someone express clear romantic interest.

3) If you think she’s out of your league she probably is and you should move on. Still, never hurts to ask. See point 2, supra. At least if you’ve actually told her she’s attractive you’ve identified yourself as having the exquisitely discerning taste to find her attractive, which puts you head and shoulders above most guys (see point 4, infra).

4) A distressingly high number of American men suffer from advanced male pussy syndrome. Pretty much if you nut up and ask a girl out you’re already ahead of 80% of the pussies in your pussy cohort.

And most importantly:

5) Stop being such a little pussy bitch and ask her out already, you homo. Are you afraid of a fucking girl? What the fuck’s the matter with you? I could understand if we were talking about making a move on Martin Fucking Riggs from Lethal Weapon, but we’re not. Queer.

I may expand on this with my own thoughts at a future date, as anyone who has read my blog for a couple years knows I have plenty to say on this subject. However, I have to be at a 7am meeting tomorrow morning, so I can’t stay up late giving this as much thought as I would like. Plus, if I really get going on this, as I would like, I would probably be writing for hours.

But, click on the links and read the discussion taking place. Very interesting to see the thoughts from men and women on “nice guys” and what men’s and women’s assumptions are about “nice guys”.

December 13, 2007 , 7:45PM Posted by | Relationships, Romance | Comments Off on Male P*$$y Syndrome