I actually left this as a comment on someone else’s blog (yes, completely and utterly rude I know, writing a blog post-length comment on someone else’s blog. Just chalk it up as another example of my utter incompetence and lack of tact), but thought I did a decent job of story-telling and self-deprication, so I decided to make a blog post about it here. To both remember my story-telling skills and enshrine my utter incompetence with women in all its pathetic glory for all time (or until my blog gets wiped or deleted or lost in the online ether).
Heh, don’t worry, I haven’t hit on a girl – online or in person – in years. The only time I hit on a girl is if I ended up doing it accidentally without knowing it. And then when I actually *try* to hit on a girl, I fail… massively.
Here’s an example of my prowess with the opposite sex…
I was at a Job Fair for [a large aerospace and defense company] here in Michigan back on the 16th. They had it setup a certain way because they were expecting hundreds of people (turned out they got *thousands* and didn’t know how to handle the turnout, but anyway…), so they had us stand in line, winding around the first floor of the Marriot Hotel. Then, they had us sign in and declare what position(s) we were there about. They then shuffled groups of about 20-25 of us into basically a holding room to watch a couple movies advertising the company. After that, we were then all shuffled off to another room where they had the positions and descriptions on the walls. We were given a piece of paper, to which they stapled our resumes we brought, and told to write down our top two positions about which we wanted to inquire and then write down our qualifications for each position. Then, we were shuffled off to another room where we stood in line to have someone evaluate our resumes to see if they felt we were even qualified to get into the room where the hiring managers were located. THEN, after we were deemed worthy, we were shuffled off and herded into the corner of the room to wait by the door for the person to let us into the BIG room where the hiring managers were located.
Alllll that took about 2 hours and 15 minutes. During which I was very lucky to have been standing in line with a nice woman, I’m guessing she was about middle to late 30s, who was very talkative and made the waiting in line not seem like 2 hours and 15 minutes at all. So that was a nice experience. Also, while we were all being shuffled between rooms, I ran into a former colleague of mine and we struck up a conversation and then a few others got in on what we were talking about as well. So, already long story a bit shorter… I was feeling pretty comfortable with the big group there as it felt like we all had this bond of collective suffering.
So, to finally get to the point of my story… while waiting in the last herd to get into the hiring manager room, I notice this *extremely* attractive girl, who seemed to be around my age or a little younger (maybe 25-28 or so). She seemed nice as she was kindly making small talk with the men around her, so I decided to see if I could work some my non-existent charm and get her attention. So my dopey self thinks to say “Well, this is a nice change of pace. Usually having red marks on my paper is a BAD thing heheh” (and yes, I actually did go “heheh” like a dork). See, when we were approved to go into the hiring manager room, we were given stamps on our paper and some of them were red, so that’s why I made the lame attempt at humor there. Anyway, no one laughed nor said a word and she barely moved her head or her eyes in the direction of my lame squeakings of lame humor. Sooooo, I figured, ok she’s probably not here to listen to lame jokes and is concentrating on preparing herself for the talk with the hiring managers. Fair enough. I better serious myself up as well.
Well, after it finally dawned on the organizers that herding us all together and then funnelling us all through to one small door in the corner of the room was not a very good technique for this whole thing, they separated us by position focus. And wouldn’t ya know it, she and I were both Mechanical Engineering. And, wouldn’t ya know it again, I end up right behind her in line. Score! Oh wait, we’re at a job fair, not standing in line at an amusement park (though, the way they wound that line around the entire first floor of the Marriot, no one could tell the difference). So I made friendly small talk and she responded in kind. Okay good deal, this is nice, I thought. Back to having someone nice to talk to in order to make the wait more bearable. And the bonus here being that she was by far the most attractive (dare I say hottest) female at this thing (granted, she didn’t have much competition… the ratio of men to women in line had to easily be 50:1-100:1 or higher). So I was feeling pretty good about myself. I’m looking good in my suit, making small talk with an attractive female, pretty nice!
We finally get inside the hiring manager room and we are shuffled off to another person who looks at our position sheet and then directs us to the correct table to stand in line again. Since I figured this was where we inevitably part ways, I quickly wished her well and good luck with her talk with the hiring manager and she smiled and returned the favor. And I was left feeling pretty proud that I finally didn’t make a complete ass of myself while in the presence of an extremely attractive woman (which is a pretty common occurrence for me… when I actually have the pleasure of being in the presence of an extremely attractive woman… which is NOT a pretty common occurrence for me). Well, wouldn’t ya know it, I am sent to the same line she was sent to, so I get to wait with her again. Since I’m feeling pretty good and confident, I slyly walk up behind her, smile and remark “well, I guess you don’t get rid of me yet afterall”. To which she smiles in a friendly manner. After which we pick up more small talk and focus a little more on what we are there to interview about. Half of which I cannot remember since I kinda zoned out while I was explaining a little about my background when I got caught up in looking in her eyes. Which I figured was the proper and professional thing to do of course, much better than looking anywhere else while talking to her. But I definitely distinctly remember a point where I temporarily blanked and the thought of “damn she is *really* attractive and those eyes are… wait, I’m talking to her, hopefully I haven’t said anything stupid during this temporary mind lapse…” Luckily, I maintained my cool and managed not to say anything dumb and amazingly did not lose my train of thought while talking about whatever it was I was talking to her about.
Anyway, it turns out that they sent her to the wrong line, so she kindly asked if I would save her spot while she went to ask if she could go over to talk to the Mechanical Engineering table (instead of the Design table where we were waiting). On her way back as she went over to the other area, she smiled and wished me well and I wished her well and good luck and I figured my nice experience with an attractive woman was over for the day. Back to the matter at hand. Which was what, hmmm? Oh yeah, my 3 minute interview with the hiring manager! Duh!
Which went well. Though not sure how badly or goodly anyone can really do when they only have 3 minutes and can only answer 3 questions. So, after 3 minutes I was shooed away and I let all the nervousness finally fall off my back and I headed to the door to leave the room and find my way back out of the hotel. But wouldn’t you know it, when I walk out the door of the room, there stands Miss Attractive Mechanical Engineer putting her coat on across the hall. She’s facing me and notices me as I notice her and we both smile and simultaneously ask one another “so how’d it go?” We share an innocent chuckle and smile and share our experiences.
And then my amazing prowess with the opposite sex kicked in. We get to the point where I get to look into those captivating eyes again and I extend my hand to wish her well and hopefully look forward to an interview. She shakes my hand, extends a smile and equal well wishes for me and then… I blow it. Instead of asking her name or giving her my name or asking about networking or asking about getting some lunch… *anything!*… I go “well, maybe we can look forward to working together in the future… hope to see you… ok have a good one!” And then that’s that. Off she goes, with the pretty smile and beautiful eyes and attractiveness and obvious intelligence with having the engineering background. And off I go to call my buddy to see how his 3 minutes with the hiring manager went, realizing that I just had a beautiful girl in the palm of my hand, literally, and let her go without so much as asking her name. UGH!
And that’s just one of many such examples of my complete incompetence when it comes to women.
So you (and every other man out there) have absolutely *nothing* to worry about as far as me hitting on women, Wicked Pinto. heh
I found this in the comments section of a discussion of the economy at Blackfive and found myself very much agreeing with the sentiments.
To All My Valued Employees,
There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn’t pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.
However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.
First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is aBack Story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You’ve seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I’m sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.
However, what you don’t see is the BACK STORY:
I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.
My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn’t have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business — hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.
Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom’s for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any clothing item that didn’t look like it was birthed in the 70’s. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.
So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don’t. There is no “off” button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden — the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations… you never realize the Back Story and the sacrifices I’ve made.
Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn’t. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.
Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I’ve paid is steep and not without wounds.
Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:
I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don’t pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my “stimulus” check was? Zero.. Nada. Zilch.
The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.
The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you’d quit and you wouldn’t work here. I mean, why should you? That’s nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.
Here is what many of you don’t understand … to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn’t need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.
When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don’t defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.
So where am I going with all this?
It’s quite simple.
If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child’s future. Frankly, it isn’t my problem any more.
Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I’m done. I’m done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.
So, if you lose your job, it won’t be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about….
Signed, THE BOSS
A government big enough to supply everything you need, is big enough to take everything you have. — Thomas Jefferson
This is simply a comment I left in a completely unrelated post I made, but I thought it explained my opinion on where I am nowadays in my thought process of dating, marriage, etc. So I figured I would make a post out of it, instead of letting it languish, unnoticed in the comments section of one of my political posts. If you want to see the rest of the discussion, here’s the post.
[ … ] And you are right to say that you would have made a great change in his life, not a bad change. I think every man changes for the better with good women in their lives. There is quite a lot of truth to the saying that “behind every good man is an even better woman”. I truly believe that and I can think back to the great changes I felt in myself when I was dating good women, or at least had a great woman friend supporting me through certain times in my life. For every man, that woman starts out as his mother and then moves on to good female friends and then great girlfriends and for the really lucky, a great wife/lover/companion.
So he really was not thinking big picture or on much of a deeper level than dating or some such. I’m glad you took that as the last straw and not as a sign that you needed to work harder to change him or convince him. Too many girls do that, to their own detriment, I believe. You definitely deserve much, much better than that.
I know it’s a line from a movie, but I believe all women deserve a man who believes that his girlfriend/fiance/wife/lover/companion “make[s] [him] want to be a better man”. That’s how I know I will know when I am with the woman I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with her. Everything she is will make me want to be a better man, a better person, a better husband, a better father, a better lover, a better companion. Not just to make her happy, but because she is such an inspiration to me that I want to live up to her standards as well.
Yeah, maybe sounds a little idealistic, but I know that I cannot settle for less. I’m prepared now to simply never date or get married if I don’t find a woman like that.