No One Will Ever Mistake Me for Casanova
I actually left this as a comment on someone else’s blog (yes, completely and utterly rude I know, writing a blog post-length comment on someone else’s blog. Just chalk it up as another example of my utter incompetence and lack of tact), but thought I did a decent job of story-telling and self-deprication, so I decided to make a blog post about it here. To both remember my story-telling skills and enshrine my utter incompetence with women in all its pathetic glory for all time (or until my blog gets wiped or deleted or lost in the online ether).
Heh, don’t worry, I haven’t hit on a girl – online or in person – in years. The only time I hit on a girl is if I ended up doing it accidentally without knowing it. And then when I actually *try* to hit on a girl, I fail… massively.
Here’s an example of my prowess with the opposite sex…
I was at a Job Fair for [a large aerospace and defense company] here in Michigan back on the 16th. They had it setup a certain way because they were expecting hundreds of people (turned out they got *thousands* and didn’t know how to handle the turnout, but anyway…), so they had us stand in line, winding around the first floor of the Marriot Hotel. Then, they had us sign in and declare what position(s) we were there about. They then shuffled groups of about 20-25 of us into basically a holding room to watch a couple movies advertising the company. After that, we were then all shuffled off to another room where they had the positions and descriptions on the walls. We were given a piece of paper, to which they stapled our resumes we brought, and told to write down our top two positions about which we wanted to inquire and then write down our qualifications for each position. Then, we were shuffled off to another room where we stood in line to have someone evaluate our resumes to see if they felt we were even qualified to get into the room where the hiring managers were located. THEN, after we were deemed worthy, we were shuffled off and herded into the corner of the room to wait by the door for the person to let us into the BIG room where the hiring managers were located.
Alllll that took about 2 hours and 15 minutes. During which I was very lucky to have been standing in line with a nice woman, I’m guessing she was about middle to late 30s, who was very talkative and made the waiting in line not seem like 2 hours and 15 minutes at all. So that was a nice experience. Also, while we were all being shuffled between rooms, I ran into a former colleague of mine and we struck up a conversation and then a few others got in on what we were talking about as well. So, already long story a bit shorter… I was feeling pretty comfortable with the big group there as it felt like we all had this bond of collective suffering.
So, to finally get to the point of my story… while waiting in the last herd to get into the hiring manager room, I notice this *extremely* attractive girl, who seemed to be around my age or a little younger (maybe 25-28 or so). She seemed nice as she was kindly making small talk with the men around her, so I decided to see if I could work some my non-existent charm and get her attention. So my dopey self thinks to say “Well, this is a nice change of pace. Usually having red marks on my paper is a BAD thing heheh” (and yes, I actually did go “heheh” like a dork). See, when we were approved to go into the hiring manager room, we were given stamps on our paper and some of them were red, so that’s why I made the lame attempt at humor there. Anyway, no one laughed nor said a word and she barely moved her head or her eyes in the direction of my lame squeakings of lame humor. Sooooo, I figured, ok she’s probably not here to listen to lame jokes and is concentrating on preparing herself for the talk with the hiring managers. Fair enough. I better serious myself up as well.
Well, after it finally dawned on the organizers that herding us all together and then funnelling us all through to one small door in the corner of the room was not a very good technique for this whole thing, they separated us by position focus. And wouldn’t ya know it, she and I were both Mechanical Engineering. And, wouldn’t ya know it again, I end up right behind her in line. Score! Oh wait, we’re at a job fair, not standing in line at an amusement park (though, the way they wound that line around the entire first floor of the Marriot, no one could tell the difference). So I made friendly small talk and she responded in kind. Okay good deal, this is nice, I thought. Back to having someone nice to talk to in order to make the wait more bearable. And the bonus here being that she was by far the most attractive (dare I say hottest) female at this thing (granted, she didn’t have much competition… the ratio of men to women in line had to easily be 50:1-100:1 or higher). So I was feeling pretty good about myself. I’m looking good in my suit, making small talk with an attractive female, pretty nice!
We finally get inside the hiring manager room and we are shuffled off to another person who looks at our position sheet and then directs us to the correct table to stand in line again. Since I figured this was where we inevitably part ways, I quickly wished her well and good luck with her talk with the hiring manager and she smiled and returned the favor. And I was left feeling pretty proud that I finally didn’t make a complete ass of myself while in the presence of an extremely attractive woman (which is a pretty common occurrence for me… when I actually have the pleasure of being in the presence of an extremely attractive woman… which is NOT a pretty common occurrence for me). Well, wouldn’t ya know it, I am sent to the same line she was sent to, so I get to wait with her again. Since I’m feeling pretty good and confident, I slyly walk up behind her, smile and remark “well, I guess you don’t get rid of me yet afterall”. To which she smiles in a friendly manner. After which we pick up more small talk and focus a little more on what we are there to interview about. Half of which I cannot remember since I kinda zoned out while I was explaining a little about my background when I got caught up in looking in her eyes. Which I figured was the proper and professional thing to do of course, much better than looking anywhere else while talking to her. But I definitely distinctly remember a point where I temporarily blanked and the thought of “damn she is *really* attractive and those eyes are… wait, I’m talking to her, hopefully I haven’t said anything stupid during this temporary mind lapse…” Luckily, I maintained my cool and managed not to say anything dumb and amazingly did not lose my train of thought while talking about whatever it was I was talking to her about.
Anyway, it turns out that they sent her to the wrong line, so she kindly asked if I would save her spot while she went to ask if she could go over to talk to the Mechanical Engineering table (instead of the Design table where we were waiting). On her way back as she went over to the other area, she smiled and wished me well and I wished her well and good luck and I figured my nice experience with an attractive woman was over for the day. Back to the matter at hand. Which was what, hmmm? Oh yeah, my 3 minute interview with the hiring manager! Duh!
Which went well. Though not sure how badly or goodly anyone can really do when they only have 3 minutes and can only answer 3 questions. So, after 3 minutes I was shooed away and I let all the nervousness finally fall off my back and I headed to the door to leave the room and find my way back out of the hotel. But wouldn’t you know it, when I walk out the door of the room, there stands Miss Attractive Mechanical Engineer putting her coat on across the hall. She’s facing me and notices me as I notice her and we both smile and simultaneously ask one another “so how’d it go?” We share an innocent chuckle and smile and share our experiences.
And then my amazing prowess with the opposite sex kicked in. We get to the point where I get to look into those captivating eyes again and I extend my hand to wish her well and hopefully look forward to an interview. She shakes my hand, extends a smile and equal well wishes for me and then… I blow it. Instead of asking her name or giving her my name or asking about networking or asking about getting some lunch… *anything!*… I go “well, maybe we can look forward to working together in the future… hope to see you… ok have a good one!” And then that’s that. Off she goes, with the pretty smile and beautiful eyes and attractiveness and obvious intelligence with having the engineering background. And off I go to call my buddy to see how his 3 minutes with the hiring manager went, realizing that I just had a beautiful girl in the palm of my hand, literally, and let her go without so much as asking her name. UGH!
And that’s just one of many such examples of my complete incompetence when it comes to women.
So you (and every other man out there) have absolutely *nothing* to worry about as far as me hitting on women, Wicked Pinto. heh
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