Monday Morning Meaningless, Meandering, Mindless Mumblings
* I can’t even express in words how much I miss getting up to go to work on a Monday morning. I feel so useless.
* I was only able to take a vacation once during the nine years that I held a steady, successful job, because I didn’t have the savings built up to take a vacation and I didn’t have but a few days vacation from work each year as part of my benefits. But now that I have had the past 8 weeks of no work, I can’t get myself to take a vacation, because I am too stressed out about not working. And about the realization that I go broke by the end of May and may foreclose on my house then too, if I don’t get another job by then.
* It’s amazing to think that 9 weeks ago, my life looked to be getting back on track this year — with getting out of debt, getting back in shape, getting to make some improvements on my house and looking to improve at my job with more opportunities to learn, grow and expand my talents. And then WHAM! Now here I sit, 3 months from going broke and my credit being ruined, losing my house and still unemployed with no prospects in sight. Life can certainly turn on a dime.
* There was actually a good believer-atheist discussion at HotAir the other day. Though one thing has stuck with me from the discussion. AllahPundit mentioned that he had to end a relationship with a former friend over her Christian belief in non-believers going to Hell. Another commenter had the same thought I did in that it sounded like the Seinfeld episode where Elaine yells at Puddy for his religious belief that Elaine is going to Hell, because she is not religious. She screams at him that he “should *care* that I am going to Hell, even though I am *not*!” I got to thinking about this more today and I really don’t know what AllahPundit expected of his friend. Believers seem to be in a no-win situation with Atheists. Atheists can make fun of believers for their beliefs, and then criticize believers if they return the favor, saying that they are not being Christian. Atheists can also claim annoyance with believers when they try to “save” them from Hell, by trying to convert them to being a believer. The Atheist will ask why the believer cannot just respect the Atheist’s freedom to choose not to believe and leave them the hell alone. BUT… when the believer decides to do that to respect their Atheist friend’s wishes, the Atheist turns around and admonishes the believer for being content with the belief that the Atheist is going to Hell. So it’s a no-win situation for believers when it comes to Atheists. A believer will get grief for trying to “save” an Atheist and be called a Bible-thumping bully who’s trying to shove their beliefs onto others. But then if they decide not to do that, the Atheist will then turn around and call them unfeeling bastards for being content knowing their Atheist friends are going to Hell. I can sortof understand AllahPundit’s problem with his former friend’s beliefs, but, honestly, what did he expect her to do? She can’t win with him. And, ironically, in the end, he was the one who ended the relationship over religious beliefs.
* The more I go on without a job and without something to keep me busy and keep me feeling useful, the more down and depressed I get. And the more I keep up with current events and politics, the even *more* down and depressed I get. It seems like every day there is something coming from government which makes the future seem more and more and more bleak and hopeless. So much for “hope” and “change”.
* I used to be a person who believed that hard work, a good positive attitude and being a person of honesty and integrity would equal success in this world. The past 3 months have taught me that I was horribly, horribly wrong. Liars, cheaters, the corrupt and the well-connected are the ones who succeed. The last 3 months have taught me that life is not fair. I should have known this already, but I was naive and an optimist. No longer.
* Speaking of life not being fair, why are the three grandparents who were the best people, and whom I loved the most, all taken from this life already, while my mean, bigoted grandmother is still alive and kicking years after the others passed on? To remind me of whom I never want to be? Why couldn’t God leave a daily reminder of whom I always want to be? Grandpa Yore, Grandpa Gobat, Grandma Gobat… I miss you. So much.
* I can’t believe that our society considers Jessica Simpson “fat” or “packing on the pounds”, as I have seen stated on numerous “entertainment/gossip” sites and blogs. The woman was hot before, but was also ridiculously thin. Now that she has gained a little weight, she has more curves, looks more healthy and still looks *damn hot*. It is pretty damn sad when society looks at a woman as good looking — and seemingly a good, decent person — as Jessica Simpson and deems her worthy of ridicule and scorn.
* I have DVRd the Disney movie Ratatouie and I watch it whenever I feel like relaxing and don’t find anything interesting to watch on regular TV. As a result, I think I have watched that movie about 50 times in the last 2 months. Great, cute movie. I enjoy it every time I watch it.
*I miss the comaraderie of my coworkers — at both my former places of employment. I was so lucky and blessed to have worked with such good people and I don’t think any of them know how much I enjoyed working with them and how much I miss them.
* I miss the comaraderie of the guys on my softball teams. I can’t wait for it to start up again in May. I just hope I am able to have the means to play again. If I don’t have a job by then, I may have played my last games with those great groups of guys.
* I so miss the companionship of a woman. Just simple things. Her smile hello. Hug hello. Holding hands. A nice dinner out together, talking and sharing and continuously learning about one another. I miss kissing. I *so* miss kissing. Not just the physical part of it but the emotional connection that comes with the intimacy of the kiss. The first kiss. The anticipation leading up to the next kiss. And then that first passionate makeout session. And the anticipation leading up to the next makeout session. Cuddling watching movies. Holding hands in the car. Holding hands in the movie theater. Falling asleep together. Waking up together. I miss it all. And my eyes water, and I sometimes cry, once a day realizing that I may never experience it again.
* I wonder if I would truly go mad if I didn’t have my cats to keep me company and give me someone (er something) to take care of. They both have their own personalities and they both show their affection for me in their own ways. It’s not much, and it’s not human contact, but I think it is all that keeps me going sometimes. To be able to care for them and allow them to care for me in their little cat ways. Now that I think about it, that’s cute, but really sad and pathetic.
* Purdue plays Michigan State tomorrow night at Mackey Arena. If they win, they have a shot to win the Big Ten. If they lose, it’s all over. I’d like to get excited about the game, but whenever I do that, my teams let me down. So I’ll probably just skip the game, assume they will lose and then leave myself open to be happily surprised if they win.
Well, that’s enough meaningless, meandering, mindless mumblings for now.
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