AmeriCAN-DO Attitude

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Relationship Deal Breakers

(Originally posted 17 OCT 07)

So I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning and the sports talk morning show guys had an interesting topic for dicussion: relationship deal-breakers. Specifically, they were talking about what would be a ‘deal-breaker’ after the 1st or 2nd date with a girl. And I thought it was a pretty interesting discussion, because I know I certainly have some ‘deal-breakers’ where I know after a 1st or 2nd date that there is no possibility for a relationship with a girl/woman. Here are some of mine. What are yours?

* Excessive cursing/swearing in casual conversation – I don’t mind a girl/woman who swears now and then. However, I want to date a woman with class. I want to date a lady. A woman who drops f-bombs and s-bombs and just has a very crude way of conversation… big turnoff for me. Personally, I have a problem with cussing up a storm when I am watching sports or playing sports. However, in casual conversation, I have worked to not swear. So, I’d like to be in a relationship with someone of the same feeling about swearing. (Now, dirty talking in bed… well that’s a different story… ) 😉

* Holding certain leftist/”progressive” political views – Now, I can deal with someone having a different opinion. In fact, I find intellectual debate of issues with a girl/woman to be a HUGE turnon. An intellectual and intelligent woman is extremely attractive. However, I am not going to have a relationship with someone unless we can agree on some core issues. Such as abortion/sanctity of life, respect and honor of the military, views on Islamofascism, respecting America and being proud to be an American. For me, it is important to agree on some core issues, because I want to be a father someday and I don’t want my kids getting mixed messages from us as parents. So if we disagree on some key political views, there is really no point to pursuing the relationship.

* Bad kisser – Granted, I may not find this out during a 1st or 2nd date, especially if she is a classy/traditional woman and likes to take things slowly. And this may seem a bit superficial. However, I don’t believe so. For me, kissing is the most important physical indulgence to share with my significant other. If I had to choose only one – and only one – sexually physical thing to do with my wife for the rest of my life, I would choose kissing, hands down, no contest. As such, I need to be with someone who enjoys kissing as much as me and kisses well. Bad kisser? No chance at a relationship.

I’ll probably come up with more, but for now, these are the ones I could come up with off the top of my head.

UPDATE on 17 OCT 2007 at 20:15 EDT: A few more deal-breakers…

* Smoking – This is my Number 1 turnoff. I won’t even consider dating anyone if I know they smoke. So that’s probably why I initially forgot it. But, if for some reason I don’t find out about their smoking habit until we go on a date, that’s an instant deal-breaker, no questions asked.

* Drinking Alcohol/Getting Drunk – I’m not against drinking alcohol, but I am not a big drinker and rarely drink at all, in fact. And I never understood the point to drinking as a form of recreation. I’ve had a beer one time in my life and it tasted horrible. I will drink a Mike’s Hard Lemonade once in a great while, but just when I am out bowling or at a party or something. Other than that, I usually drink milk, juice or Mountain Dew. Since I don’t plan to ever waste any of my paycheck on beer or have drinking parties at my place, I just figure it’s better to find someone who is also not a big drinker. So if I find out that she is really into getting drunk and thinks it’s fun, that would probably be a deal-breaker. Sure, it wouldn’t hurt during dating, but whose to say that she would definitely stop her drinking habits if we were to get married? Just easier to not bother with it all.

* A selfish, materialistic prissy attitude – Sorry, but I am a laid back, simple guy. I appreciate the small things in life. Materialistic things are nice and all, but I don’t think they should rule one’s life. I also believe that life is not all about me and that we should spend our lives helping others as well. Doing random acts of kindness for others I think is very fulfilling and I appreciate that attitude in others. But I do not appreciate someone who believes the world revolves around them and life owes them everything and they don’t owe anyone else anything. This kind of attitude would definitely come across in conversation within the first couple dates and would be a deal-breaker.

Okay, I’ll probably think of more yet again, but that’s it for now.


March 22, 2009 , 8:41PM - Posted by | Love, Relationships, Romance, Sex


  1. What about not liking Nicolas Cage movies?

    (I really need to register at hot air…)

    I love Snake Eyes, because his character does the right thing even though he knows he’ll suffer for it. It Could Happen to You is a cute one as well, and I also like Guarding Tess (which no one mentioned on that thread [yet]).

    On topic: Objecting to swearing actually is something that gives me pause. I don’t swear casually except in informal situations (i.e., not at work!) around people who I know are not bothered by it, but I don’t want to have to censor myself when I’m with my man. If he’s going to give me a horrified look every time I say a four-letter word, that’ll get old pretty quick.

    Other dealbreakers include not being hygienic, being in excessive debt or otherwise not having one’s finances under control, and being overly attached to the “bachelor lifestyle” to the point at which marriage is one’s worst nightmare.

    (I may or may not have dated guys who had these problems…)

    Comment by Mrs. Peel | March 24, 2009 , 9:03PM

  2. Yeah I took some heat from some people there for liking Nicholas Cage. Sheesh. Who knew. But again, that’s why I don’t go to movie critics (or now to HotAir commenters) for movie insight.

    With regards to swearing… I just don’t like it in casual conversation where women will curse like drunken sailors in the same way that ‘ditsy’ girls will insert “like” every other word in their sentences. I should add that as another thing that’s a deal-breaker for me. I cannot STAND someone who says “like” every other damn word or at least once per sentence. It is absolutely grating. Same thing with swearing. I can understand if someone’s getting heated about something or whatever, but just swearing for the sake of swearing or cussing every time someone is angry, it just shows lack of class and lack of restraint in my opinion. And, like I said, it’s just not attractive. I remember one of your posts where you talked about not liking being treated like ‘one of the guys’ and you wanted to be acknowledged as a lady/female. Well, cussing for the sake of cussing, in my opinion, comes across like the girl is trying to be ‘one of the guys’ or being more like a guy.

    I don’t know if you have seen the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. There is a scene in there where the girl that he’s seeing just goes OFF on her ex-boyfriend and expletives *fly*! That and her blowup would have had me ending everything *right there*. As Ace said in his breakup post, there are usually signs within 3 dates. A chick going batshit crazy on an ex is a definite sign… of something that I don’t want to stick around to find out what.

    Financial stability is definitely a good one, but I don’t know how you’d find out about that within 1-2 dates, which was what I was limiting this exercise to. Not sure if you have seen the movie The Heartbreak Kid with Ben Stiller. There is a part in there where he finds out – after they are married – that she has some debt from her coke addiction (also a brand new revelation)… to the tune of “about 20k”. I’m not sure if this info would be revealed within the first couple dates unless the guy was asking for the girl to pay for the dates or if the girl was asking the guy for gas money home or something. But yes, definitely a deal breaker: someone with bad financial (lack of)sense.

    The last one wouldn’t really apply for my case, I don’t think, since rarely are women more interested in the single life than getting married. But I am sure there are plenty out there. Unfortunately, the older I get, and the more I am forced to move up my selection to older women — instead of women in their early to mid-20s, women in the mid- to late-20s and early 30s — the more I find that women seem to be focusing on their “biological clock” and are very quick to think about marriage and seriousness and the whole idea of a nice, casual exclusive dating period is cut short. Or there are of course the women who are single and divorced and bitter about marriage, divorced and single moms looking for a new daddy for their kiddies, etc. My days of being able to just casually date a nice single, never married, not yet a mommy and not yet bitter woman seem to be dwindling. heheh

    (And I also may or may not be describing past experiences…)

    Comment by michaelinmi | March 24, 2009 , 9:52PM

  3. Oh and I thought of Guarding Tess, but Cage was already taking quite a beating, so I figured I’d just not bother bringing it up. But that’s a cute one too. Not one of my favorites of his, but still decent. Not “worst actor in the world!!!!! bad, but decent.

    Comment by michaelinmi | March 24, 2009 , 10:19PM

  4. […] the back seat into my eyes, coughing from the smoke, etc etc etc. I hate hate hate it.  In fact, I won't even date someone who smokes.  However, all that […]

    Pingback by It’s Time to Ban Alcohol from Michigan Bars « AmeriCAN-DO Attitude | December 12, 2009 , 10:31PM

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