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The Wonderful Thing About Triggers, is Triggers are Wonderful Things

“They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy fun fun fun fun FUN!”

Most definitely, if we’re talking about these “triggers” suggested by Rush Limbaugh today:

So let’s talk about some triggers, shall we? How about these triggers? If unemployment exceeds 10%, that triggers the resignation of the president who promised unemployment would not exceed 8% if the stimulus was passed. If any taxes are raised on people making less than $250,000, that triggers Obama’s resignation from office. All the czars will be fully vetted, and if just one fails an FBI background check — and most of them will fail an FBI background check — that triggers a requirement for all the czars to resign and the czar program to be discontinued. You like these triggers? If the average temperatures in the United States have not increased at the end of this year as compared to average temperatures over the past three years, that triggers the end of any and all cap-and-trade legislation.

If any health care bill proposed by the president or Congress lessens the profitability or availability of private sector insurance in any way — increases taxes, adds to the deficit, does not including Republican reforms for private sector health insurance companies — that will trigger an automatic withdrawal of the bill from consideration. Further, if a bill results in any policyholder losing his policy or his doctor, that triggers Obama’s resignation from office. And finally if Ford Motor Company ends the year more profitable than General Motors or Chrysler — Obama car companies — the government and the United Auto Workers will be forced to sell their ownership. You want to talk triggers? I can come up with triggers all day long.

Heh. Excellent. It makes me want to sing:

“They wonderful thing about Triggers
is Triggers are wonderful things
They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun fun fun fun FUN!
The other wonderful thing about triggers
is they get rid of Teh Won!”

Heh. Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.

For background on the triggers being discussed by Democrats, see these two articles:

FOXNews: Government Insurance ‘Trigger’ Draws Bipartisan Criticism in Health Care Debate
Washington Post: Nelson, Klobuchar Mull the ‘Trigger’ Option on CNN’s ‘State of the Union’

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September 10, 2009 , 12:00AM - Posted by | Barack Obama, Healthcare, Rush Limbaugh

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