Sometimes We Need to Look in the Mirror and Ask Ourselves What the Hell it is That We’re Doing Wrong
I was going through some old e-mails I had from people with whom I used to talk on MySpace and came across one from a lady who was kind enough to give me some relationship advice. She was an ‘older’ woman, and our ‘relationship’ was kind of like a grandson-grandmother ‘relationship’. We networked based on our similar political interests and principles and then bonded further based on the person and man she saw me to be in my blog postings and comments. Considering all my grandparents had passed on, it was nice having this ‘friendship’ with her and having access to her sage and wise advice.
In this particular instance, I was having difficulty coming to terms with a long-term pen-pal ‘friendship’ I had been having with a girl I ‘met’ online in college 10 years previously. Throughout those 10 years, I had developed a ‘crush’ on her, but nothing ever came of it and we never met in person. But I still felt ‘drawn’ to her for whatever reason, based on things we would share online and then on the phone when we talked. All that came crashing down when, for the first time, we discussed politics right before the 2008 Presidential elections and I found out she (1) was a HUGE Obama-lover and (2) had the same attitude about America as Michelle Obama, saying she could not feel proud to say she was American.
This all threw me for a loop and I was having trouble dealing with all my current emotions about this and reconciling it all with the previous 10 years of our ‘friendship’. Well, in steps ‘Grandma S’ with her advice. It was great then and it was great to read it again a year later and feel glad that I followed her advice regarding Amy.
Although, I’ve pretty much accepted the idea that I will be alone. But, maybe someone else will happen across this blog posting, read the advice and have it help them to realize they should change things in their life for the better.
You will be glad to know… That I decided to no longer keep up contact with Amy. I’ve had it twisting myself into multiple pretzels, putting myself through emotional hell, putting up with her bullsh!t. The last straw for me was when she put this in her last e-mail:
“And yes, the political stuff going on is exciting and frustrating (to Republicans especially!) I am just really excited to have taken part in such a historic election. No matter who was elected, it was going to make history and to me, that is exciting. To think at my age, I am witnessing something so huge and so historic makes me proud of where I am from (and I don’t say that often!) So regardless of political affiliation, I hope you are at least able to see the history and be proud to be a part of it!!!!!”
Anyone who has felt there was no good reason to say they felt proud to be American up until now will no longer be in my circle of friends or acquaintances. I’ve f-ing had it with these immature ingrateful bastards. I see now, plainly and clearly, that she was never who I thought she was, I had made up an image in my mind, but she has always been a spoiled, selfish, self-centered, lying cold-hearted bitch. Well, she is now one less bitch I have in my life.
Sorry for the language, but if it means anything, I have been using much, much worse in my mind as I have been thinking about this since she sent me that last night. I was already pissed at her and that just sent me over the edge.
Anyway, just thought you might like to know. You asking me “what kind of person would put up with that” really opened my eyes to realize what I was doing. I knew it, but I guess I never had anyone remind me that me putting up with this sh!t from women reflects on my poor character and my poor choices and the poor person that I am. Well, no more. I may be alone forever, but I’d rather be alone with my pride and principles intact than groveling to these self-centered bitches.
Hey there sweet one …
First, I’m happy for you that you have finally reached this point, but allow me to explain what I meant by that statement.
We humans find a comfort zone. In places, where we choose to live, and the personalities we’re drawn to. In a mate, as I have mentioned before, we are first drawn to a person, usually for their outward beauty … which is natural. There is a honeymoon period where that attraction is sustained, for a while. It is also during that period of time that we are only allowed to see the outward side of a person. That is a protection measure because we all want to project all that is good and right and attractive about us.
In time, people begin showing you who and what they’re all about. During, what I call those illuminating times, we hear and see characteristics that may annoy us, or even make us take pause. However … because we are so entrenched in our feelings, we usually overlook, or dismiss what we just heard and saw.
And during all this time, we are *happy* because we are not alone. We don’t realize it at the time, but we are already compromising our own ideals, even the ones that matter the most to us.
How many times have you heard about, or known a woman who’s boyfriend/husband abuses her … sometimes for years, and yet, she stays. There’s a reason for that. That man didn’t begin their relationship by abusing her. He began the abuse with words. Words that he always apologized for, because he “didn’t mean it.” She, because that wasn’t the man she knew and fell in love with, could never really mean the horrible things he said to her. Time goes by … and it escalates. He has now hit her, but by then, his years of verbal abuse did what he intended it to do. She is now an emotional sick puppy with not an ounce of self worth or self esteem left. He has told her for a long time that she’s nothing, and now she believes it.
I wish I could forget how many times I saw children of all ages hanging on their daddy’s leg begging the officer not to take my daddy to jail … even though that same daddy battered, bruised and broke the bones of that same child.
There’s that comfort zone. It’s what we know, and are used to. I know, sounds sick. Trust me, it is. And heartbreaking.
Now … Why am I going off half cocked with stories like this? Because all of us to some degree can allow ourselves to be sucked in to that same comfort zone time and time again. We are drawn to the same personality, over and over again because it’s what we know, and are comfortable with.
I can promise you this Mike … God did not knit you in your Mother’s womb just to tell you that He made you to live your life alone. Sometimes we need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves what the hell it is that we’re doing wrong. There is NO reason you should be meeting, and cuddling up with the same type of woman time after time. YOU ARE SPECIAL and yes, there IS the right woman out there for you. And more importantly, she’s been waiting for you for a LONG time.
So now what’s next? You need some time. Time to figure out what just happened with Amy, because you need to understand why you not only chose her in the first place, but yes, why you put up with her for so long. Right now, you have a major chip on your shoulder, but that’s understandable.
You are not short on character Mike. You’re not short on anything.
Listen … I am next to the youngest of five. The first four of us were girls. I’m going to fast forward here …
I ended up being the one who received the phone calls FOR YEARS, asking me to solve the most mundane of problems. I was the one who, for 7 1/2 years, spent every day with two of those sisters during their chemo treatments until they finally died. I was the only conservative in the whole family, because the others were entrenched in the days of Kennedy, and too damn lazy and self centered to even try to get the facts. I was the one in a crowded room of a huge family that was ridiculed for my political views and stances, even when I proved to them they were wrong. I was the one who, on one occasion walked out the door in front of that huge family on what was supposed to be a family filled celebration … crying. I was my husband’s eye candy … for thirty years. I was ………
So Mike, I hope you take these words how they’re meant, for they come from the right place, and never to be hurtful. This is not the time to throw in the towel. It’s the time to take that time I spoke of. Then, it’s time to step out of that comfort zone. The next time you’re drawn to a woman, take a step back, and a deep breath, and ask yourself …… why.
To close … J and I have belly laughs every time we speak of Simon Cowell. He’s our favorite. Why? Because he’s a *bad boy.* However, we use guys like that as eye candy, among other things, but that’s where it stops. Bad boys are just that. Bad. And the same with bad girls. You’re drawn to them for those reasons, but you only look, but not touch. Because … we know they’d be bad for us in the end.
I’m glad Amy finally sent you over the edge. I’d thank her if I could. You’re a great guy Mike, and it’s time you also recognize that fact. 🙂 You have looks, a brain, and a great heart. And, being conservative is a plus … 🙂
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