AmeriCAN-DO Attitude

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Why I Will *Never* Move to Texas

No.effing.way.

Hell, I have been freaking out the last few weeks just upon seeing 1-2 inch long centipedes scampering across my hard wood floors — and sometimes up the walls — after I opened up the basement block window vents to air out the basement. No *way* in hell I’d survive freaking flying cockroaches!

That brings back bad memories from first semester freshman year of college when we had a cockroach infestation in the bathroom of our residence hall. 3-4 inch long, 1 inch wide ugly mudderfookers… in the stalls, in the showers, all over the damn place. Imagine sitting on the throne doing your business and then you look down and there’s this freaking cockroach that comes strolling along, inches away from your feet. Instant.PANIC. And yeah, I’m not ashamed at all to say that I probably screamed like Sherman Schrader (Jonah Hill) in Accepted the first couple times I saw these mudderfookers.

On the bright side, at least even United States Marines get freaked out by bugs too:

reminds me of a friend of mine, when I was in the Corps.

A big guy (he’s actually in two books about bosnia) who has seen action and became a geek marine for afterlife.

There is a large insect, called a vinegaroot (I don’t know the real name) but it’s basically a scorpion without a stinger, but it has fangs.

His wife called him one day, freaked out because there was a vinagaroot (I don’t know the proper name) in the garage, he told our plt commander and he went home, thinking that he was just gonna chase a bug out of the garage.

No crap. He got freaked out. He wanted to just use the broom to shush the irritating bug out of the garage, but apparently this particular bug is kinda aggressive.

He (a guy who is taller than even mike) and more fit than even mesa (though you haven’t met mesa)) ran away from a bug, and called the platoon.

No Crap. We sent basically a fire team, armed with a sledge hammer (why an electronics platoon needs a sledge I don’t know, but we had one) and a few other items to kill this bug that was upsetting our workload, to kill an insect that was scaring one platoon members wife, and eventually a platoon member.

I wasn’t in the fire team, but I heard that everyone present sorta freaked out, because, it was just weird that a small (comparatively) insect would be so aggressive.

Terry, my friend, who is in a couple books about the bosnian war, said it was ridiculous, 5 Large, fit marines just running around his garage, while his wife screamed, and the effing Marines were armed with sledges and other stuff that was availabe (though I really have no idea where the sledge came from, that really is wierd, my buddy “fedo” going “I’ll go, shouldn’t take long” showed up, WITH the Sledge. WHERE THE HELL HE GET THE SLEDGE! We Are in an effing electronics bay? When do electronics techs need an effing sledge? But Fedo found it.)

Terry, the friend, LOVED telling that story, it made him look like a girl, but it also made about a third of our unit look like scared little girls.

The bug was killed, and most of the big bad tough marines said “are you sure.”

so, noone is immune from buggophobia.

I also remember talking to an Iraq war veteran who told me about the camel spiders. After seeing a picture of these huge mudderfookers online, I told her that I think I’d rather go out on patrols risking death by terrorist than try to sleep in camp and be paranoid about one of those getting on me. Holy cripes…

But, yeah, as much as I like the idea of living in a nice politically and culturally conservative State like Texas, it doesn’t make up for the fact that I would probably go crazy from bug paranoia and lack of sleep from same.

Okay, now I need to go do something to get my mind off of bugs before going to sleep, so I don’t have nightmares…

June 30, 2010 , 10:59PM Posted by | Life, Military | Comments Off on Why I Will *Never* Move to Texas