AmeriCAN-DO Attitude

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I’m Missin’ Ya, Little Man…

I’m having a tough time realizing you’re gone, Capone. I can’t even count anymore how many times I’ve bawled my eyes out remembering you and going over my last hours and minutes with you. So, I’m just going to do the only thing I know how to do when I’m emotionally overwhelmed… write…

I still can’t believe you’re gone, buddy. Just yesterday morning I woke up to hear you meowing and scratching at the door, wanting me to let you up from the basement. I’ll always remember your little paw coming under the door trying to get it open and how proud of yourself you were when you came prancing into the living room after you had gotten it open. You even did that with my bedroom door when I would close that door to let you stay upstairs for a while. You never gave up. That little paw got under any door and you kept at it until you got that door open. You were such a trooper. I’m gonna miss that, buddy…

I’m gonna miss your energy and spunk. I’m gonna miss your personality and character. I’m gonna miss you scampering full speed across the floor to chase after Misty. I’m gonna miss you chasing after the flashlight on the wall, scampering all across the basement, determined to catch that darn circle of light and capture it for yourself. I’m gonna miss you batting at the light switch cords while I’m holding you. I’m gonna miss you letting me hold you in my arms like you’re a baby and stroke your belly.

You were such a great little guy, Capone. You were my little man. You were my Mr. Capone. You were my buster brown. You were my buddy boy. You were my good boy. You were such a good boy, Capone. Such a good boy. I’m gonna miss you, buddy…

I’m gonna miss you playing in the Christmas bags. I’m gonna miss you playing under my bed sheets and finding your way out from under them. I’m gonna miss you playing in my hamper. I’m gonna miss you laying yourself right down on my clean clothes whenever I brought my clothes up from the laundry room. I’m gonna miss you laying on my bags for walleyball or softball or when I went on a trip, looking up at me as if you were begging me to take you with me to be my travel companion. I’m gonna miss you waiting at the bottom of the basement steps whenever I was at the door ready to leave, waiting until you heard me open the door to leave and then you hurried right up the steps to make sure you saw me out. You were so loyal, Capone. You were always by my side. I’m gonna miss that, buddy…

I feel so bad that I had to take you to put you to sleep. I wish I could have taken care of you, Capone. I truly do. I feel terrible. Awful. I wish I had the money to fix your eyes and your tumor and make you feel all better. I wish I could have kept you here longer. So you could play and meow and purr and enjoy everything about life a kitty could enjoy.

God, I hate that I couldn’t help you, buddy. I feel like a part of me is gone and I let you go too soon. I feel like I let you down. I told you I was taking you to the vet so she could fix your eyes and make them better. I told you that you didn’t need to cry when we were driving to the vet. I told you everything would be okay. And I let you down. I can’t bear the feeling that I may have acted too soon to put you to sleep. I can’t bear the feeling that I could have waited longer and kept you here longer. Part of me is dying inside, wishing I could turn back time and ask the vet the wait on putting you to sleep, so I could spend just a little more time with you, spoil you just a little more, cherish your company just a little more, let you enjoy life just a little more. I’m so sorry, Capone. God, I’m so sorry, buddy. God, I miss you. I miss you so much, buddy….

I realize now how big a part of me and my life you were, Capone. You waiting at the door to greet me whenever I came home from anywhere. Seeing you in the window watching me when I cut the grass outside. You laying in my lap or at my feet when I watched TV on the couch. Hearing you purring when I stroked your head and rubbed your belly. Watching you grow and mature to know not to jump on the counter or the table. That look on your face when you know you’re in trouble and know you did something wrong. You were such a curious and mischievous little man. It made you who you were. It made you my little buddy. It made you my little man. It made you my Capone. I’m gonna miss that, buddy…

I loved you, buddy. I still do. I hope I did enough when you were alive that you knew that. You seemed so happy and energetic when you were here, I hoped that was because I loved you enough. I’m so sorry I didn’t try to fix your eyes sooner. I know I let you down, buddy. But you were such a trooper that I thought that since you didn’t act any differently that it must not be that bad. I know now I was wrong and you were just such a strong little guy that you adapted to the tumor and eye infection and kept on going. But I still should have helped you more. I should have taken you to the vet sooner. Maybe she could have helped. Maybe she could have made it at least a little better. Maybe I would still have you here with me and you’d be okay. God, I’m so sorry, Capone. I’m so sorry, buddy…

Just know that I miss you terribly, buddy. And I’m never gonna forget you. I truly hope there is a kitty heaven for you, so that you’re living pain-free and eye infection-free and tumor-free now.

When I held you as the doctor shaved your leg and put the needle in you, I was stroking your head and telling you it would be okay. That’s all I wanted for you, buddy, was for you to feel better. I’m so sorry I couldn’t take better care of you and keep you here longer. I couldn’t pay for your treatment for your eyes and tumor. I just didn’t want you to be in any more pain, little man. I truly didn’t. I wanted you to be happy and pain free. I thought it was the best way for you. Please forgive me for not being able to keep you longer. I feel so terrible. So terrible.

One moment you’re in my arms trusting me completely that the doctor would make you better and the next I’m stroking your head as she gives you a shot. I’m so sorry, Capone. So, so sorry, buddy. I didn’t know how to make you better. I wish with all my heart I could have made you better. You were my little buddy. You were my little man. You were my good boy.

You’re always gonna be a part of me, Capone. Always. I hope God is taking care of you in kitty heaven. Know I love you, buddy and always will.

I miss ya, little man. Goodnight, buddy…

Capone -- Christmas 2004

Capone in Bag -- Christmas 2004

R.I.P CAPONE — MAY 2003-JULY 2010

I’ll meet you at the Rainbow Bridge, buddy…

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

By Paul C. Dahm

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July 11, 2010 , 9:53PM - Posted by | Life, Love

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