Someone sent me a link today to a post by a right-of-center blogger asking for people to stop making racist or homosexual jokes. I just had to roll my eyes.
This has the exact opposite effect that these ‘well-meaning’ people intend.
You know how people stop being offended by insults? They get over it and move on with their lives. You know when people stop throwing insults at people? When they realize that the insults no longer have an effect on their intended target.
It’s like the old lesson that the best way to get rid of a pest is not to keep reacting to it, but to ignore it. The pest pesters just to get a reaction. Thus, reacting perpetuates the pestering. Stop reacting, the fun of pestering is gone and stops.
This seems to be the lesson we all learned as kids in grammar school and high school. Everyone was pestered and insulted and offended as kids and teens. It’s what kids and teens do. And they keep doing it until the offended party either (1) fights back or (2) stops being offended. Pretty simple. We all go through this maturation process as kids and teens. It’s part of growing up, growing thick skin and learning (1) what it feels like to be picked on and (2) not to be that type of person to pick on others, since you know how it feels.
Now, in extreme circumstances, we have option (3) be deeply hurt by the insults and pestering, take it to heart and withdraw from society to avoid the constant insults and pestering. In the very extreme circumstance, “withdraw from society” means committing suicide. That definitely will end the insults and pestering… permanently.
I know this from first hand experience, as I attempted suicide as a teen, twice*, for these very reasons. I grew up as an innocent, naive and kind-hearted young man. I saw things — life, friendship, romance, marriage — through a window of idealism and The Golden Rule. I also was not a partier, didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, didn’t do drugs, wasn’t particularly attractive (especially during the worst teen years where I had braces, glasses and bad acne), I saw girls as angels to be treated well not as sex objects or conquests… and because of all this, I was very introverted and self-conscious. As a result, I had very low self-esteem and felt like a ‘loser’ compared to all the ‘pretty people’ and ‘popular people’.
I knew I was different and I heard and saw all the insults and mockery thrown at young men like me, and had some of them thrown at me personally as well. It hurt. It hurt to my core, because I was proud of the person I was. But, because it seemed everyone else thought that type of man was a ‘loser’ (or, in today’s popular description an “emo git” or “beta male”), I felt there was no place for me in this world, that I was a mistake and I should ‘correct’ that mistake.
Now, obviously, I didn’t succeed. (Whether that is a good or bad thing, I’m still not sure). But I did learn one thing from all of that turmoil: that I was in control of how I felt, not anyone else. That no one could offend me or make me feel bad without my consent. I also learned that no one was going to protect me from insults, from being taunted, from being mocked or from being offended… that was all my responsibility. I could either let it destroy me inside and ruin my life, or I could learn from it that the world is full of mean, shallow, despicable people and I need to harden myself to their attempts to affect me with their behavior.
And, 15 years later, here I am. Am I still insulted and mocked and offended? Yep. I’m even a running joke on a certain right-of-center website. The same insults thrown at me 15 years ago by petty, immature and mean-spirited people are still thrown at me today. The atmosphere today is no different. What is different is how I react to these types of people. And I learned how, because I was forced to learn. I was not protected as some politically correct protected group. Instead, I learned that life sucks and is full of people who suck and I need to not let that bother me.
So here I am today, not thinking about suicide every time some asshole decides he needs to put me down to make himself feel better about himself.
Do the insults still hurt? Sure. I think anyone would be hurt by having who they are inside insulted in the most mean-spirited and condescending fashion and told that who I am and what I stand for is offensive to them, that it makes me not a ‘real man’ and that people like me are the reason this country/world is the way it is. But none of us has a right not to be offended.
In fact, White heterosexual men, these days, are the most insulted and parodied groups out there. On TV in series and commercials, in movies, in songs, etc… men are stereotyped as stupid, bafoonish, incompetent, deadbeat dads, misogynistic, worthy of violence against them for infidelity, etc. Heck, if you’re a Christian or ‘traditional’ gentleman type man, you’re even more mock-worthy. (These days, if you’re a homosexual — male or female — you are on a higher status level than being a White heterosexual male.)
Of course, then we have the protected classes of homosexuals and minorities. What I don’t understand is why. Creating PC protected classes of citizens simply perpetuates the offensiveness towards these groups. It’s also akin to the soft bigotry of low expectations of Affirmative Action, in that is presumes that these groups cannot handle the insults and their delicate sensibilities must be protected. Or, it puts them on a pedestal as some group which is so superior that “they must not be mocked!”.
I don’t understand how people don’t realize that this simply perpetuates the cycle. (1) The offended parties never harden themselves to the insults, mockery and pestering and (2) the offending parties never give up on their insults based on their behavior losing purpose, since their intended targets no longer give them the reaction they desire.
What the PC protected classes end up doing is creating even more resentment among both groups. The offended parties simply go on thinking that others are still offensive, but are only keeping their insults to themselves based on the protected class status in effect. And the offending parties simply get even more offensive, because now they are offended that certain people are getting special treatment.
It’s simply a lose-lose scenario.
Yet, we get right-of-center bloggers out there promoting such a thing. In addition to which, they promote the idea that “White heterosexual males can’t be offended, so get over yourself”. Yeah, well, speak for yourself, champ. Maybe you, as a White male heterosexual, have never been offended in your life, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Get outside your own little bubble of life in which you live and stop projecting your own sheltered views onto millions of people.
Everyone can be offended. And they are. It’s just some of us don’t get babied and protected from offense and learn to get over it. If we ever wish to help others to get over it, the answer is not to shield them from it, but to help them learn to ignore it.
*(I actually only ‘attempted’ suicide 1 1/2 times. The first time was the week after my High School graduation when I downed about 20 aspirin before I went to sleep one night, hoping that would do the trick. It didn’t. I simply woke up the next morning with a bad headache and stomach ache. The second time I ‘attempted’ was my first week in college. I took walks around campus around 11pm each night, trying to figure out what I was going to do. I came across a 3-story parking garage across from ‘Greek Row’, which faced the backs of all the buildings and was in a quiet area. I finally decided one night to walk up to the top and intended to jump off. But I couldn’t do it. I was too scared. Eventually, some guys on bikes and skateboards came by where I was and, in a scene not out of after-school, made-for-TV specials, mocked me, laughed at me and one of them, as they rode away shouted out “just jump already!” I would have thought that would have pushed me over the edge, as, at that moment, I realized that I was truly alone. This wasn’t TV or the movies; no one was coming to save me from myself. While that realization I would have thought would push me over the edge (figuratively and literally), it actually was the first step in strengthening and hardening me inside to deal with life ahead, knowing that I am the only one who is responsible for getting me through life.)
I’m not sure what pisses me off more: the fact that 14 GOP Senators are going to vote to approve of Judge Sonia “Wise Latina” Sotomayor to the US Supreme Court or the fact that some conservatives are quite alright with this.
I’m too damn pissed at BOTH of those issues to gather my emotions and comment rationally on them, so I am glad I came across two comments which echo my thoughts pretty well:
Either she lied to the Senators or her beliefs now are suddenly different from what they have been her entire adult life. The Republicans could have and should have called her a liar to her face and told her that her lack of ethics (lying) disqualifies her for the Supreme Court. Period. If that would have been too harsh they could have disqualified her for any of the following reasons:
-Her membership in La Raza
-Her discriminatory behavior towards white men.
The Republicans should have stood up for us. Instead they caved, as usual. So Obama gets his Hispanic Racist on the Court and the Court moves one step closer to a society where your skin color determines your rights. It’s important to note here that according to Sotomayor, white men have fewer rights than blacks did back unde the seperate but equal days.
Posted by: BattleofthePyramids at July 17, 2009 12:13 PM
Nope, sorry, not gonna be OK with this. It’s the SUPREME COURT. No removal possible. Her views are horrific and the stupidass 14 will join the 8 eternally damned shitheads in the House who voted for cap ‘n’ tax. She will legislate from the bench, and legislate very badly. I submit that this should have been fought hammer and sickle. What the hell are people “saving up the fight” for? Actual gulags? It’s too late by then.
Posted by: Filly at July 17, 2009 12:13 PM
I am really getting sick and damn tired of conservatives accepting the BS unfair playing field on which conservatives/Republicans and liberals/Democrats play. They accept that Democrats can lie, cheat, smear, ridicule to their hearts content with NO consequences whatsoever. YET, when Conservatives or Republicans tell the TRUTH and present FACTS, we are painted as racists, bigots and sexists… and conservatives accept that!??!
WTF. Seriously. W.T.F.
Awesome. Glad to see I’m not the only one who is pissed the fook off here:
I e-mailed the NRSC and invited them to taste my ass. And they scratch their head and balls in wonder… why don’t conservatives donate money to our great cause? I told them I hope a 3rd party rises out of all this back slappin horsesh*t. I’m tired of these good ol boys punching conservatives right in the puss followed by a f*ck you very much.
Posted by: Sparky at July 17, 2009 12:17 PM
“Forgot to add: And she lied under oath and she keeps getting overturned AND I bet she doesn’t look good in black.”
What a lot of normal people forget is, lying isn’t lying to these rat-bastards. Lying is actually “revolutionary truth”… as in, it’s perfectly OK to lie as long as you’re advancing your goals while you do it. You may notice that even formerly respectable liberal pundits will defend a lying liar to the end as long as he or she supports the liberal positions being espoused.
Posted by: ATNorth at July 17, 2009 12:18 PM
Thank you both. And as far as the candy assed view of playing the politics “smart” on this one, bulls**t. It’s that kind of crap that got us where we are today. Stand up and be a statesman fer cryin’ out loud.
Posted by: teej at July 17, 2009 12:19 PM
F*ckin’ A. EXACTLY:
If you’re worried about pointing out bald-faced lies because you’ll be called a racist, what’s the point of questioning anything at all?
Posted by: Jim Treacher at July 17, 2009 12:20 PM
Another good point here by Vic. Let’s see, the GOP spends their time exposing how Sotomayor is an incompetent lying, racist POS, BUT, then, despite that, turn around and vote to appoint her to the US Supreme Court? And that’s called good, smart politics? Give me a freaking fooking break here. That’s called COWARDICE. And is EXACTLY the reason no one freaking respects Republicans. Not the media, not the Left and not conservatives. PERIOD. Give me someone who FIGHTS and calls out the Left, the media and the Democrats on their utterly despicable BS and THAT will be a statesman I will support to the death.
Drew while I agree that they did about all they could in the questioning and she did come across as a liar and an AA incompetant they still should NOT vote for her.
That defeats the entire purpose of making her look stupid and it continues the practice of “playing” nice while your enemy stabs you in the gut and laughs at you.
Posted by: Vic at July 17, 2009 12:24 PM
My sentiments exactly:
See, this is why so many of us feel dispirited, disenfranchised, and without recourse. Those who purport to represent us aren’t fighting back on these poobags. At all. To my knowledge, NO ONE has called her out on her perjury.
Posted by: Filly at July 17, 2009 12:29 PM
Bingo. As I said at the beginning of this post, upon reading DrewM’s post, I was both immensely pissed the hell off and completely dispirited as well. I didn’t know whether to be mad as hell or depressed and broken. And not just because the GOP are a bunch of COWARDS, but the added fact that DrewM and some others think that this was “inevitable” and we should just sit back and accept this status quo once again.
BULLSH*T. ANY GOP member voting ‘yes’ on this racist, incompetent, lying sack of sh*t judge in UNACCEPTABLE. PERIOD. Can they stop her from being approved? No. Fine. That, I accept, because the American people are utter fools for giving the despicable Democrats so much power. BUT, that does not mean that ANY Republican should be voting “YES” for Judge Sonia ‘Wise Latina’ Sotomayor to represent the nation on the United States Supreme Court. Not.at.all. And anyone who does so is a cowardly, despicable POS.
Anyone who points out the fact that someone is a racist, incompetent lying bastard and then supports the promotion of that person has absolutely NO integrity whatsoever. None.
Amen to this:
It’s not just the Rs on the committee, DrewM. You are correct that the questioners did well. But no one outside of those of us who give two sh*ts were even aware that the takedown occurred. To 99% of the country, this story is “First Hispanic (And She’s a GIRL! Who was POOR!) Nominated to SC by The One.” Her actual views are barely out there. The firefighter case alone should have sparked a reawakening of the national debate on AA, but… no. Her mom bought the neighborhood’s first set of encylopedias!
This is where every other national office-holding R should have come into play, not to mention the RNC. Conservatives are horrified by this pick… and we see nothing done about it outside of a few questions. She probably would have been confirmed anyway, but the point is, there was little to no fight on this, just like just about everything else.
Seeing the “conservative” “leadership” rain hellfire down on this nightmare would have 1) thrown a spotlight on her racialist views 2) provided a psycological boost to the base. Make every. single. victory. a Pyrric one for the liberals. They will have to think carefully every time they pile another piece of socialism onto this country. As it is, the less resistance is thrown, the tougher it will get. Again I ask: What are we saving the fight for? Far too late by the time the forced abortions and the reducation camps come barrelling down the pike.
I grow weary of hearing my viewpoint articulated only by people who have radio audiences but no power beneath the Capitol dome.
Posted by: Filly at July 17, 2009 12:43 PM
Exactly. There is no victory here at all. Anyone who thinks so has not been paying attention whatsoever the last 8 years:
“No, she doesn’t mean it but it will make for some nice issue adds in the future.”
Which ads will never, ever run. Because they’ll get the Repubs called racist. Which is gonna happen anyway, facts, evidence, and logic be damned. And around the circle we go again.
Not that you’re wrong, Drew; no, there’s not a lot we can do, she’s gonna get in anyway. But anybody who thinks any of this will stop Obamandias, King of Kings, from nominating whatever abomination he wants to for any position whatever needs to take another look at the raving lunatic he’s named as “science” czar. He’s securely in the driver’s seat, and for every weak-tea consolation-prize poll we cite saying Duh Peepul don’t like it, he can always gin up five more that say otherwise.
Posted by: Mike at July 17, 2009 01:11 PM
Excellent point here by CJ. This is exactly MY point when I am pissed off at conservatives who continue to accept the status quo and accept that Republicans can’t do anything. If WE are not willing to fight, then how do we expect Republicans to fight? The fact is that if we don’t start actively fighting all this BS, then we’re going to continue to have spineless GOP representatives curl up and die on all the issues. It starts with we, conservatives. And it frustrates me to no end that some conservatives just do.not.get.it.
I think a lot of people here have it backward: members of Congress REACT to culture/conventional wisdom, not the other way around. It’s bottom up. The GOP will aggressively challenge left wing minority public officials when WE make it safe for them to do so.
Democrats wouldn’t have tried to bork Bork as a ‘threat to civil rights’ if they didn’t think they had adequate cover beyond Capitol Hill. Right or wrong, the storyline of the throw-back Jim Crow bigot hiding behind the “constructionist” mask provided that cover. Republican members of Congress will get the nerve to take on left-wing minorities when conservatives outside the Beltway make it safe for them to do so.
Posted by: CJ at July 17, 2009 01:32 PM
DrewM, that is indeed the smart way to play it in the traditional political system– but my opinion is that system is crumbling. I truly think we’re on the leading edge of a different era now, and in this era we fight. Everything.
I also think that there’s a difference between “reacting” and “framing the debate.” We drop the AA bomb and the perjury bomb, and the issue becomes not her PC credentials, but the worldview of the administration. I think that’s the key reason why Barry has any support at all — too many people are inclined to believe the best of him (I idiotically did during the primaries) and aren’t truly aware of what he’s really trying to do here.
Posted by: Filly at July 17, 2009 01:32 PM
That’s the obvious conclusion we should all have, based on the logic of NBC, which is calling people “haters” who want David Letterman fired for his tasteless, sexist jokes about Governor Sarah Palin and her 14-year old daughter, Willow. Afterall, Obama called for Don Imus to be fired for his tasteless “nappy headed hos” joke last year. Even going so far as to call it “verbal violence”! So NBC obviously must think that Obama is a hater! Right?
Ya gotta love the big heaping pile full of blatant f***ing hypocrisy by the Left. Imagine if Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity made a joke about how Obama’s mother was a “whore” for getting knocked up with Barry out of wedlock when she was 18. Or how about them making a joke about Obama being a bastard child? That’s a laugh riot, ain’t it? Anyone think the mass media would call people “haters” if those people called for Limbaugh or Hannity to be fired for those jokes?
Yeah, me either.
Great comment by “hit and run” at this HotAir Headlines post regarding David Letterman’s tasteless, sexist jokes about Governor Sarah Palin and her 14 year-old daughter Willow.
You know, I feel sorry for Don Imus. It’s like he was used for a specific, time-limited, politically-driven purpose — and has no more value as a lesson in how ill-chosen, sexually-charged and hateful words directed at young women are intolerable in our society.
He was used this way by people like, oh, I don’t know, say, Barack Obama:
There’s also another kind of violence though that we’re gonna have to think about. It’s not necessarily physical violence but that the violence that we perpetrate on each other in other ways. Last week, the big news, obviously, had to do with Imus and the verbal violence that was directed at young women who were role models for all of us, role models for my daughter. I spend, along with my wife, a lot of time making sure that my two young daughters, who are gorgeous and tall and I hope will get basketball scholarships, that they feel good about who they are and that they understand they can do whatever they can dream might be possible. And for them to be degraded, or to see someone who looks like them degraded, that’s a form of violence – it may be quiet, it may not surface to the same level of the tragedy we read about today and we mourn, but it is violence nonethesame.
The verbal violence of Imus degrading the Rutgers women was enough for Obama to call for Imus’s resignation.
Oh, and yeah, Obama certainly does NOT consider Bristol to be a “role model for [his] daughters” because she decided to accept her “punishment” and carry, deliver and now raise precious little Tripp.
hit and run on June 13, 2009 at 11:00 PM
I wait with baited breath for the Left to use the same standard as their messiah and call what David Letterman said about Sarah Palin and her daughter Willow “verbal violence”, as well as call for his resignation.
I agree with the ‘morons’ over at Ace of Spades HQ probably 90% of the time, but here is a prime example of that 10% where I part ways: Going Alinsky on Letterman
Okay, “going Alinsky on Letterman” I can definitely support. It’s the way they are “going Alinsky” which I cannot support: boycotts and “Fire Letterman!” rallies.
I’m against boycotts, as I have stated previously with regards to The View, HERE and HERE. I’m one who advocates “if you don’t like something, DON’T WATCH IT”. Don’t like Limbaugh? Don’t listen to him. Don’t like Letterman, don’t watch him. Don’t like the vapid dopes on The View, don’t watch them. Don’t like Hannity (which I don’t), don’t watch him.
I left this comment on a Facebook discussion of this:
Seriously, the Left is MUCH more active at this crap. Do people like when the Leftist tools organize to complain to Facebook to have conservatives kicked off Facebook? The answer to that is not to start practicing that immature crap ourselves. Same thing applies here. I know there are a lot of Glenn Beck fans on my Friends list. Would they like the Left organizing something like this to kick him off the air, simply because they didn’t like what he said?
What happened to free market principles where a business or product succeeds or fails on its own merit? If Letterman gets an audience for his crap, more power to him. That says more about the sorry-ass state of the attitudes of Americans than it does about CBS and David Letterman.
Personally, I think American Idol — and basically any other “reality” TV show — is crap and want it off the air. But instead of being an ass and organizing against it, I simply don’t watch it and mock anyone who does. (heh) Very simple, see. 🙂
Seriously, I can’t stand this boycott crap. Boycott by changing the channel.
Ya know, someone (not the Ace of Spades HQ “someone”, but just someone in general) needs to explain to me how using mob-rule tactics to bully a business into firing someone we don’t like is any different than the tactics of the Lefty anti-Prop 8 mobs. They didn’t like how a business voted, so they advocated boycotts of their businesses. How is this any different? Don’t like a joke, so we grab our pitchforks and organize to destroy them? What happened to standing up for Americans to have the freedom to watch and listen to anything they so choose, even when it’s tasteless crap.
Also, how is this any different than what the Left did to Don Imus? He should NOT have been fired. His comments should have been exposed, he should have been condemned or defended on the merits of those comments and then left to have his career live or die based on people deciding he was worth listening to anymore. Same thing applies here.
Call out Letterman LOUDLY and OFTEN and expose him and the Left for their tasteless crap and their utter hypocrisy. But, then leave it up to the American people to determine Letterman’s future success or failure. If Letterman continues to get good ratings, then that just shows that our society now accepts tasteless sexism and hypocrisy towards Conservatives. That is depressing and despicable, but not grounds for wielding pitchforks to deny the American people the right to listen to or watch such things.
Geez, this is sad. The only one making any sense over there is the stupid liberal douche troll:
this is sad… and pathetic
I thought conservatives snubbed their noses at the liberal PC culture that infests America today…
and now, you’re advocating the tactics of those you hate?
when you don’t have principles, then you have nothing. you may get rid of letterman, but you lose the greater war (by bringing this country into a censored, PC frenzied environment).
let’s blackball anyone who says anything that offends anyone… fuck free speech and 1st amendment!
Posted by: palin steele at June 13, 2009 01:02 PM
Okay, the last part is stupid, since “free speech” does not come without consequences and the 1st Amendment does not protect anyone from boycotts. But the rest is spot-on. This crap is about using the tactics of the Left. In other words, “the end justifies the means”. That is the logic of the Left. Yet, now conservatives are advocating it. As the douche troll stated, “this is sad and pathetic”.
go ahead, go blackball a comedian for making a tasteless joke (btw, I dont give a fuck about letterman just to be clear… I’m more worried about the longterm implications for certain ideals conservatives hold)
but you don’t ever get the right to feign outrage in the future when all different groups get their panties tied up over being offended by the most harmless un-PC verbal attacks… in this fight against letterman (a mere pawn of the left), you have strengthened the actual arsenal (PC correctness) of the left
if you successfully get Letterman off, it WILL be used against you in the future.
Posted by: palin steele at June 13, 2009 01:11 PM
Exactly. If this were the Left going after a conservative media member or comedian for a joke or statement they didn’t like, my bet is there would be outrage over the bullying tactics.
And then there’s this false analogy offered by a conservative:
Seems like getting Dan Blather booted worked out ok.
Posted by: cumulonimbus at June 13, 2009 01:15 PM
So now we’re comparing rightly working to cause the firing of a media member who is supposed to be objective, but instead blatantly passes off lies as facts to the American people in the effort to undermine a Presidential Election… to working to cause the firing of a comedian telling a tasteless joke? Come on, guys. You’re much better than this.
“Free speech doesn’t mean free of consequences, you stupid f*ck.”
no it doesn’t. but boycotting companies and such is the tactic of the PC-loving left… its always been denigrated by conservatives because it goes against their principles. Now conservatives want to adopt the tactic because one of their own is being attacked… its hypocritical. Stand on your principles and you will be stronger in the long-term, go for short-term gains and you will be weaker for it.
Posted by: palin steele at June 13, 2009 01:15 PM
I can’t believe the liberal troll is still making the most sense. Ugh.
And then there’s this:
That’s the point of this whole exercise. PC outrage is primarily used as a weapon against the right. Reid can say the war is lost with no consequences. Actors can kiss a maniacal dictator like Castro on the ass with no consequences. Movies can mock Christians with no consequences. But if a conservative violates the PC code, usually his career is over.
Posted by: Matt at June 13, 2009 01:22 PM
Right, and you know what the answer to that is? You do the exact same thing as them. Letterman tells a tasteless joke about the “Right” and gets away with it? Then you have one of your own go out there and loudly and proudly tell a tasteless joke about the “Left”. (For example, to make a point, start making tasteless jokes about Letterman’s wife and their child, and see how he likes it when the shoe is on the other foot). Then, when the “Left” cries about it, you point out that you were just taking their lead and if they don’t like tasteless crap like that, then they should shut their own f*cking mouths and live up to their own standards.
The answer to free speech we don’t like is not less free speech, but MORE free speech. Recall the Mohammad Cartoons. Our answer to Muslims taking offense to that was not to join with them in boycotting, but to tell to STFU and deal with it, that’s how free speech works. But now all of a sudden, the rules have changed for conservatives?
Sorry, but I just cannot support this and I am very disappointed in seeing this advocated by one of my favorite conservative blogs.