AmeriCAN-DO Attitude

Are you an AmeriCAN or an AmeriCAN'T?

Love is… Special, Unique and, Very Often, Awe-Inspiring, Wonderful and Infinitely Surprising

Came across this great comment while reading the comments of this post: “Those who believe in soulmates are found to be 150 percent more likely to end up divorced.”

This expresses my feelings on life, love and marriage even better than I could:

Warren Bonesteel
A few quick thoughts…

Soulmates? That’s a bit like a fairy tale. Nice story, but it isn’t real.

Best result: A couple of good friends who can put up with one another’s numerous…peccadilloes. A few shared interests, with both parties involved in separate hobbies and interests. Decent to good sex…while keeping in mind that it’s really business partnership that you’re involved in, not a porn flick.

Marriage is not a fantasy. Your partner is a real human being. Just like you, they have feelings, emotions, successes, failures, good days and bad. Treat them that way. Always.

Ya gotta be practical, pragmatic and grounded in the real world. Have some fun together and apart, but keep it real.

Start with realistic expectations and you’ll do ok. Anything you go into with phantasmagorical expectations is almost certainly doomed to failure.

Perfection? Nobody’s perfect. Don’t even go there.

That’s with one failed marriage and one successful marriage to my…credit. Seven years invested in the first marriage, twenty-six years this go around. I think I may have a handle on things this time.

Romance? Well, yeah. There’s a bit of that, but it isn’t what the relationship revolves around. It revolves around consideration for one another. iow, simple, common courtesy and treating one another, and other people, as if we were all real, live, girls and boys.

Don’t lie to one another. About anything…except that gift you’ve hidden away for a special occasion.

Humor. Don’t forget humor. A more or less shared sense of humor.

Remember the little things. They count.

If you make a mess, clean it up.

In general, act like an adult, not like a little princess or a spoiled prince.

One last thing. What works for your parent’s marriage, your neighbor’s marriage, or for anyone else you know may not work for you and your partner. Like individuals, every marriage is different.

That’s life, and that’s love. Special, unique, and very often, awe-inspiring, wonderful and infintely surprising.

UPDATE: Heh, of course, half the time I feel the way this guy does:

Gawain’s Ghost

Soulmates? Seriously?

I find it amazing how many people believe in these medieval notions of love. And the really funny thing about it is that in medieval romances, the relationships are almost always adulterous, as with Lancelot and Guinevere. Strange considering the penalty for adultery at the time–castration for the man, banishment for the woman. But, in arranged marriages, I guess a woman has to have something to dream about.

I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe in love. I don’t even believe in romance, which may sound strange coming from someone with a master’s degree in Romantic poetry, and a minor in medieval literature.

It’s because I understand romance and medieval literature. The problem here, today, is with the law.

Of course, soulmates get divorced. The law allows it. Some medieval idea of love turns sour, and she can take him for everything he’s got. She can even slap him with child support for children that aren’t his.

This is why I have never gotten married. I do not agree to the terms and conditions of the contract. And don’t quote the Bible to me. I’ve read the Bible, several times, in several different translations. This is not about the Sacrament; it’s about the contract. And I’d rather have the money.

All this talk about love and marriage, soulmates, it’s stupid. I am not about to expose myself to betrayal, abandonment and bankruptcy, because of some idiotic idea of medieval romance. And now she doesn’t like it. I really don’t care.

Love is a fleeting emotion. Romance is a game. Just write some silly love poem, make up some rhymes, throw in the word love, and you’re in. Get real.

The problem here is with the law. She has the absolute right to abort your baby, get knocked up by some boy at a bar, slap you with the child support, leave you, take the house and half of your money, have her boyfriend move in so they can raise their love child together. All on your dime. Why any man would agree to that arrangement is beyond my ability to comprehend.

Change the law. Nothing else matters but that. Change the law. Or stop complaining about it.

Yeah, soulmates, give me a break, they have a high divorce rate. It’s no small wonder. The law allows it.

And the man, what about him? He was stupid enough to marry her. End of story.

Advertisements

October 4, 2014 , 12:58AM Posted by | Life, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Romance, Sex | , , , , | Comments Off on Love is… Special, Unique and, Very Often, Awe-Inspiring, Wonderful and Infinitely Surprising

First…

First time she caught my eye.
First time I caught hers.
First time she smiled at me.
First time she made my heart skip a beat.

First meeting.
First conversation.
First laugh.
First spark.
First time I knew,
she’s someone special.

First date.
First date nervousness.
First bonding moment.
First connection.

First call the next day.
First excitement from seeing her caller ID.
First rush from hearing her voice.
First calm from sharing our days.

First thrill anticipating our next meeting.
First planning for the next date.
First time laying awake thinking of her.
First time I just can’t wait.

First time she hugged me.
First time she put her arm in mine.
First time she cuddled next to me.
First time our fingers intertwined.

First time she gave me ‘that look’.
First time I get lost in her eyes.
First time we move in close.
First time her lips meet mine.

First intimate moment.
First extended kiss.
First long night together.
First long morning goodbye.

First time we share our secrets.
First time we pour out our hearts.
First time we share our dreams.
First time we don’t want to be apart.

First time we know we have something special.
First time I see that look in her eye.
First time she tells me she loves me.
First time she makes me lovingly sigh.

First time I tell her I love her.
First time I see tears in her eyes.
First time I know I’ve found her.
First time in love in my life.

First moment of passion.
First gentle touch of her hands on me.
First feeling of her soft body.
First feeling of ecstasy.

First time tough life moments endured together.
First time life’s joys shared together.
First time challenges met together.
First time we see our future together.

First time I see the wonderful person she is and will continue to be.
First time I see the simply amazing woman she is inside.
First time I realize the better man she brings out in me.
First time I realized, I want to be with her the rest of my life.

But first…

September 12, 2012 , 9:07PM Posted by | Life, Love, My Poetry, Relationships, Romance, Sex | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Relationship Needs Assessment

Hmmm, so, on a whim, I decided to check out this site called Plenty of Fish. A friend had told me about it a while back and I’ve seen commercials about it from time to time as well. Well, I talked to that friend tonight for the first time in a while and it reminded me of that site, so… decided to check it out.

It’s nothing too spectacular or different from any other “online dating” site. But it does have its unique qualities to it. For example, you can request to not be matched up with people who provided certain answers on their profile, or with people who have searched for “hook-ups”, etc. So that’s kind of interesting. Matching filter in a way.

Then there are these “tests” that you can take where you answer a bunch of questions and receive an “assessment” of your personality or, in this case, a “relationship needs” assessment. I always find it interesting how a website can do a complete assessment of something so personal as one’s personality and desires in a relationship solely from a bunch of random personality questions. Here is the general description of their assessment technique:

Congratulations Chgofan3 on completing Plenty of Fish’s unique “Relationship Needs Assessment.” This assessment determines what you need in a relationship across nine key factors:

Interdependence
Self-Efficacy
Communication
Sexuality
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Intimacy
Relationship Readiness
Conflict Resolution
Attitudes About Love

Your report gives you valuable feedback on each of these factors in several special ways. Based on your unique answer patterns, you first receive a synopsis of what you need in a relationship on each factor. To help you address these issues in actual practice, your report also contains a customized set of questions for you to consider asking or exploring with potential dating partners to determine the degree to which a person may meet those unique needs. In other words, you have guidance for understanding and exploring what it takes for someone to be “relationship material” with you.

Finally, the assessment reveals any specific issues that you seemed especially to under-value or over-value. These are likes and dislikes that are often hidden from your awareness, but they can strongly affect your relationship decisions. Enjoy your report, contemplate the information and insights it provides and good luck in applying the results here at the Plenty of Fish community!

Here is what I received in response to my answers:

Interdependence

Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner.

You are moderately interdependent in a relationship. This means that you desire a good degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner. And you absolutely are drawn to someone whom you can respect and even emulate to some degree. In fact, it is quite common for a person in this score range to consider how your romantic partner would reflect on your family and friends. This all does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw strength, comfort and a strong sense of identity from their close relationships. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and you desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:

“Do you think couples can ever get to the point when they spend too much time together? – and if so, how do you know when that point is?”
“How much time away from a lover do you think you need in a given week? – and what kinds of things do you like to do for yourself during your free time?”
“What really makes a date or any time with a partner truly special for you?”

Intimacy

Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner.

You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:

“Have you tended to avoid arguments with past partners or is it more like you to talk about all types of the feelings and concerns you have?”
“Do you think couples should always be open and honest with each other, or are there things that it is okay to hold back?”
“Can you talk and share on an intimate level as well as you listen to a friend in need?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

It would bother me if I got attached to people very easily. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not truly committed to your partner, that you are selfish and self centered, that you are superficial in your relationships or that you have unrealistic expectations. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a healthy degree of individuality and independence or that you have a good understanding of your fears.

Self-efficacy

Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation.

You have good levels of self-esteem, sense of self and a sense of accomplishment. It seems you are acutely aware – but accepting – of your strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, you likely feel that people who are important in your life understand you. But people in your scoring range tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. You probably have a strong sense of control over your life and are decisive in managing it. You are also probably very influential and persuasive with others. In fact, your family, friends and acquaintances may often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. Bottom line: you need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like you, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:

“Do your positive qualities outweigh your faults? Why or why not?”
“Do you ever feel guilty when you do not meet the expectations of your family or friends? Explain”
“Are you the type of person who likes to stand out in a crowd or go totally unnoticed?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

I find it pointless to continue working on things that are too difficult for me. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are easily frustrated, that you are overly self critical and impatient or that you have little motivation to learn new things or tackle new challenges. On the positive side, it could mean that you are realistic about your limitations, you value time and do not want to waste it or that you seek out alternative solutions to problems.

Relationship readiness

Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship.

You seem to have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing to find a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They have the ability to connect with others, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you do not seem to be seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Rather, it seems to be that you are striving for a balance in your life and that now includes wanting to offer everything you can to a partner. Bottom line: you need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:

“Tell me in what ways you are a happy and successful single”
“Are you truly happy with the way you have lived your life? Explain”
Are there any ways in which you feel your life is not balanced?”

Communication

Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence.

Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to fit this description. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You are usually extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient, open and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are constantly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, and you can take the initiative and be assertive when needed. However, a defining characteristic of people in this range is that they do not rush to judgment. Rather, they pay attention, listen without jumping to conclusions and then reflect on information before responding. In a sentence, you seek both to understand others and for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who is eager to give, collect and discuss information with you patiently versus communicate with you on superficial levels out of convenience.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:

“Does the success of a committed relationship take priority over any other aspect of your life?”
“Do those closest to you think that you are an easy person to get to know? Explain”
“If you are sure you are right about something, do you waste time listening to other people’s arguments or viewpoints?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Under-value

I am able to confront someone who has hurt my feelings. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you avoid conflict, that you have difficulty articulating your feelings or that you are around others with whom you do not feel safe and secure. On the positive side, it could mean that you are aware of how your behavior impacts others, that you have a good understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, that you like to give others the benefit of the doubt and try to focus on positives rather than negatives or that you can forgive easily.

Conflict resolution

Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills.

Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are generally strong across all of these basic elements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome that is best for the relationship. In fact, a defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is the capacity to relinquish their control and pride for the greater good and growth of the relationship. Bottom line: you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:

“In your past relationships, have you felt responsible for your partner’s well being? Explain”
“Is it the case that you can not be happy unless you place your partner’s happiness before your own?”
“What sort of things or situations would you not endure for the sake of your partner or relationship?”

Sexuality

Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy.

Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are no prude. You are confident in your own sexual ability and are open to try various activities. In fact, you probably like to experiment actively. A defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is their willingness to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish – you like to focus on pleasing your partner and submitting to his/her desires. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates being the center of attention in the bedroom.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:

“Would you eagerly talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies?”
“Is it like you to direct your partner what to do in bed so s/he knows best how to please you?”
“In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

I wait until I am in love with a person before having sex with him/her. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are neither spontaneous nor passionate or that you are ambivalent. On the positive side, it could mean that you prefer a deep and meaningful attachment to a partner, that you have good self esteem, that you are neither selfish nor hedonistic or that you are not impulsive in thought, feeling and deed.

Attitudes toward love

Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love.

There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic with a touch of realist.” This means that you do value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. In this sense, you desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –- sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. It is common for people in this range to view their partner as a soul mate –- a person who you were destined to meet and fall in love with. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize your partner constantly. Seeing a partner and relationship while only wearing rose-colored glasses can prevent you from identifying and addressing problem areas in the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in you but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:

“In choosing a partner, do you believe it is best to love someone with a similar background? Explain”
“If you truly love another person, is that enough to marry or otherwise have a committed relationship with that person?”
“How do you feel about the notion that ‘common interests are really unimportant; as long two people are truly in love, they will adjust’?”

Preferred Expressions of Affection

Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion.

There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“Is it more like you to surprise a partner with single, extravagant gifts or shower the person with little gifts or surprises here and there?”
“Is it difficult for you to come up with personalized gift ideas for loved ones?”
“Do you think giving gifts is really just an attempt to buy someone’s affection?”

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Actions received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need Actions. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who feels that simple or grand acts of kindness are no substitutes for other expressions of affection – such as telling you how they feel, treating you like a partner, touching you lovingly, spending time with you or remembering special occasions with a thoughtful gift.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“In what ways – if any – do you like for a partner to depend on you?”
“Have you offered to throw a party for someone? – if so, why did you take on that responsibility?”
“What are some things you have done for other people that they would say were the most thoughtful?”

May 5, 2012 , 9:17PM Posted by | Life, Love, Relationships, Romance, Sex | Comments Off on Relationship Needs Assessment

Faking it is a Sign of Laziness and Insecurity

A-freaking-men to this:

Women faking it only hurts women. Most men are more than willing to keep at it until we get it right.

Faking it is a sign of laziness and insecurity. If women are gonna fake it they might as well buy a back massager.

Speak up. The time for shyness has passed once you are having sex. If the guy is an inch too far to the right, tell him so. Moaning like a wounded horse and thrashing around when you aren’t having any fun is just silly.

Posted by: sifty at February 26, 2011 02:53 PM

Exactly. And I’ve talked about this before and share the same opinion: Faking Orgasms?

I never said I faked it.

I’m right there with ya in the thinking.

I’m not going to work hard at faking it just so I can work hard at doing myself.

I’m just saying a lot of women think it is great to fake it. I always thought that it just guaranteed you crappy sex for the rest of your life.

Posted by: momma at February 26, 2011 02:59 PM

Bingo! on that last part. Want good sex? Then you better teach the men with whom you have sex what pleases you. “Faking it” does nothing but hurt the women who ‘fake it’. It just guarantees that not only will your current sex session be bad, but also the ones after that, since the guy thinks that what he is doing is pleasing you… when it actually isn’t. It is completely illogical.

Of course, that gets to the stereotype of women, in general, not being very logical beings…

February 26, 2011 , 3:41PM Posted by | Relationships, Sex | Comments Off on Faking it is a Sign of Laziness and Insecurity

Over-Emphasis on the Act of Sex Damages the Non-Sexual Aspects of Relationships

Great comment by Monty in response to this post by “Ace” at AoSHQ on the continued hypersexualization of the tween and teen pop culture: Katy Perry To Her Tweener Girl Customers: Have Sex, It’s So Awesome!!!

For those stigmas to work, one must buy into the judgmental God.
==========

Well… God is judgemental. That’s His basic job description, in fact. If you don’t like being judged, then religious faith probably isn’t for you. (And I use “you” in the general, not specific, sense here.)

Shame has a valuable role in advancing civilization. Shame indicates a strong moral component in a society. (“I’m not ashamed of what I am!”, I hear all the time. “That’s the problem,” I respond. “You should be.”)

Sexual mores change all the time. It’s a pendulum, and it tends to swing back towards chastity and fidelity when the social costs of promiscuity become too great to bear. Paternity of children, sexual jealousy, and the institution of marriage all factor into it. If you accept the axiom that the family is the core building block of civilization (as I do); and that the family unit is composed of man, wife, and children (as I do); then it leads you inexorably to the conclusion that any social change that damages that basic building block is necessarily injurious to the cause of civilization as a whole.

Women suffer more than men from sexual promiscuity, fair or not. That’s what’s so socially perverse about promoting “sexual freedom” among young girls: it’s basically telling them to do the worst possible thing for themselves. And it’s not really possible to undo the damage later in life, when you wish you’d done things differently. (Children born from a thoughtless drunken roll in the hay will not magically disappear just because you feel sorry about it.)

I also think that an over-emphasis on the sexual act itself damages the non-sexual aspects of male/female relationships. If the only way that males and females can relate to each other is through coitus, that’s just really sad.

Posted by: Monty at September 27, 2010 02:25 PM

Monty makes a great point about “sexual freedom” being the worst thing possible for young girls (and unmarried girls/women in general, in my opinion). As I commented when I shared this link on my Facebook:

I think ‘Ace’ is a little off on the average age when girls *give away* (not “lose”, no one just “loses” their virginity, they *give it away*) their virginity. I know at least one person who gave theirs away in 8th grade at 14. Their rationale was that they didn’t want to go to HS a virgin. And this was back in 1995. And our society has become extremely more sexualized in the last 15 years. My best guess is that the average age for first-time sex is 6th-7th grade, so around 12-13-14 years old.

This stuff is celebrated and promoted by liberals, because they WANT tweens and teens having sex. Because the more sex they have, the more “unwanted” pregnancies occur and the more women they can push to have abortions. Gotta keep the abortion industry going.

In addition, liberals win even if the tweens and teens decide not to get abortions. The more single young mothers they have, the more people they have on welfare.

And this is why I have repeatedly stated that social conservatism is tied directly to fiscal conservatism and cannot be ignored. The hypersexualization of society is tied in directly to the welfare state, which affects every taxpaying American citizen.

Unfortunately, I don’t think even those people who claim to have a problem with Katy Perry marketing to tweens and teens to have sex will agree that the logical ideal solution is to frown upon *all* promiscuous sex and to promote the ideal of saving sex for marriage. I believe that when our culture and society separated sex from marriage — where it’s primary focus was to be to express love between spouses and procreation — that is where we started to go downhill.

So this is not just a problem among the tween and teen community. This is a problem for people of all age groups. Afterall, you can’t say that it’s okay for someone in their 20s or 30s to have promiscuous sex, but frown upon it for tweens and teens. What’s the difference? There are the same risks of STDs and “unwanted” pregnancies and single motherhood no matter the age group. The problem is that even while people will condemn the message of Katy Perry — and social liberals in general — when it comes to tweens and teens, I bet most aren’t willing to condemn it for the unmarried of all ages.

And that’s the problem. All they’re doing is saying “don’t have sex when you’re a tween or teen, because it’s not good to be a tween or teen single mother or get an STD at that age. BUT, go ahead and have all the sex you want once you’re legal, because (apparently) it’s quite alright to be a single mother or contract an STD in your 20s!”

The simple solution is to go back to promoting — promoting, not legislating — the ideal of waiting to have sex until marriage. Unfortunately, not enough people are willing to do that.

Great comment (from the link above):

My 9 year old asked for Katy Perry on her MP3 player. After reading some of the lyrics, I declined and told my daughter that it was trashy and inappropriate. I have found that a display of distaste is much more effective than shock!shock! at some of this garbage.

Posted by: MDH3 at September 27, 2010 03:09 PM

Having raised [almost, I think] a stepson, son and identical twin girls, I can vouch for the importance of a nose wrinkle and “that is so vulgar” response when they try to push your buttons. My house was always filled with the kids and their friends. We had rules- shoes and hats off, greet the parents, and out of the family room every 45″ for fresh air and food.

They NEED us, WANT us to set those limits and boundaries to make them feel safe. Yes, I know my girls stashed unapproved tops or dresses to change into when they left the house a couple of times, but what was important is that they knew it was wrong and I could tell by how bratty they were the next day due to the guilt. They need the limits- gives them something to push against.

Now 28, 22 and almost 21, all of them have told me that they loved the fact that if they were at all uncomfortable about something, they could say “My parents would kill me, and you’d probably be next”. All of their friends understood.

I do happen to agree with Ace, there is a huge attempt to hypersexualize kids at younger and younger ages, but there are repercussions for these campaigns. Anyone remember thongs for 8 year-old girls from Abercrombie and Fitch? That was such a disaster, they had to come up with the Hollister chain to recoup profits.

Posted by: Museisluse at September 27, 2010 04:51 PM

September 27, 2010 , 4:16PM Posted by | Life, Morals, Relationships, Sex | 1 Comment